


I am confidently lost (but I might need you to find me)

by etphonehome



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Anxiety, F/F, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Quidditch, Social Anxiety, and a little kellex too cause why not, cp has a little bit of anxiety, it's more like serious o'press friendship, it's not really preath, with a bit of preath
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-02-01 10:21:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 36,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12702960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etphonehome/pseuds/etphonehome
Summary: Christen Press had a plan.Get good grades, get a good job and draw as little attention to herself as possible. She was entering her sixth year at Hogwarts, and she needed to get her grade up in DADA, maintain her Prefect duties and on top of that she'd agreed to tutor someone in Potions this year. Quidditch was not part of her plan.Neither was Tobin Heath.So far, sixth year was not going to plan.Or, the Hogwarts AU that does not have a plan.





	1. Surprises

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE BE AWARE: This story contains scenes dealing with anxiety, depression, panic attacks and abuse. Please take caution if this will affect you in any way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is new. I haven't written fanfiction in about 10 years, so I hate myself right now, but will probably delete this anyway.
> 
> The title is inspired by Sabrina Claudio's Confidently Lost.
> 
> Enjoy.

Christen Press hated surprises.

She was never the type to show off. Staying out of the spotlight and quietly excelling at what she was best at, was her strength and it was what she had planned to continue doing entering her sixth year at Hogwarts. She was one of the best students in her year, and honestly, there was no need for her to put more on her plate. She had her life goals clearly outlined, and they explicitly excluded surprises, as well as time-wasters and the cold.

This was why it was odd to see Christen Press standing on the Quidditch pitch on a freezing Saturday morning, shivering and glaring at Kelley O’Hara, Beater extraordinaire and self-proclaimed time-waster. They’d been friends ever since first year, when Kelley had stood up to some third year that had decided little Christen Press with her glasses and her beloved planner was the one to target. She’d swiftly jumped in front of Christen and punched the burly third year in the face. Kelley received two detentions and a fifty point deduction for breaking Melissa Tancredi’s nose in the middle of the Great Hall.

“It was worth it,” she’d always say to Christen later on, “I've gained a super-hot friend that I can copy of homework from, you’re like my personal hot librarian,” which never failed to make Christen to roll her eyes and blush faintly. Kelley was a terrible flirt, but Christen couldn’t resent her for it when it was all in harmless fun.

It wasn’t as though Kelley was dumb; she was in Ravenclaw for a reason. However, being Muggle-born, she’d always been lacking in confidence in understanding concepts and spells in comparison to her half-blood or pure-blood classmates. She excelled in practical sessions, but would initially struggle in theoretical situations. To combat the insecurity, she became a notorious jokester, and was well-known throughout the school for her pranks, especially during Halloween. Luckily for Christen, Kelley had learnt of Christen’s dislike for tricks early on, and had never targeted her. That was until the last summer holidays.

Over the summer, Kelley had begged her to help her train for the team, and along the way had discovered Christen’s uncanny shooting ability.

 

* * *

 

Christen whooped as her shot curved into the right hoop, grinning and flying around a stunned Kelley O’Hara.

“Merlin’s pants, Press, that shot was insane! Why didn’t you tell me you were such a good Chaser, Pressy? You have to try out for the team!”

Christen came to a stop in front of her, smile fading. “You know I can’t, Kells. I haven’t got time for that, remember? I need to get good grades–”

“–so that I can get a job at the ministry, and get stability and a house. Yeah, I know, it’s not like you haven’t said that a million times.” Kelley rolled her eyes at her from the top of her Cleansweep Twenty, the newest model in the Cleansweep range. It wasn’t the best broom, but she’d had a soft spot for Cleansweeps ever since she got into the team with the school broom, the humble Cleansweep Five. She'd often gotten teased for her love of the old-fashioned broom brand, but Kelley O'Hara was nothing if not loyal. Christen often wondered if she should've been in Hufflepuff.

“Well, I’m sorry if I have to be realistic,” Christen spat sharply. “Not all of us have scouts offering them spots on professional Quidditch teams as soon as they graduate, you know.”

She turned away and sped towards the ground.

Kelley sighed and chased her down. “Hey Christen, come on, you know I didn’t mean it. It’s just that you’re really good; the team could really need you. Ever since Julie graduated, we’re in need of a star Chaser.”

Christen heaved a deep breath and looked away. “Kelley, you know how my parents are. I got an E in DADA last year and they were so upset so now I have to bring that grade up. I have my Prefect duties and on top of that, I agreed with Slughorn to tutor someone this year for extra credit. I don’t have time for Quidditch, and besides, you know how much I hate being in the spotlight.”

Kelley frowned at Christen’s rigidity, but then perked up. “Look, Press, you stress too much. You need some sort of outlet. At least come to the tryouts, okay? I’ll help you in DADA if you do! Just come for moral support. You don’t actually have to try out.”

Christen sighed and knew she wasn’t going to win this one. Kelley was notoriously stubborn when it came to getting what she wanted. “Oh, fine. If it’ll get you off my case about this, I’ll come to tryouts with you. But only to watch, okay?”

“Yes! This is going to be so much fun, Press, just you wait.”

 

* * *

 

 _This is most definitely not fun,_ Christen thought anxiously as she stood clutching her broom amongst the fellow hopefuls at the Ravenclaw tryouts. She had not realised that the tryouts were closed tryouts, as in no spectators allowed. Apparently, the captain of the Ravenclaw team, Becky Sauerbrunn, was extremely paranoid and believed the other teams would try to spy on the tryouts. Therefore, everyone who had arrived on the pitch was there to try out, and to only try out, no exceptions or take backs.

Becky Sauerbrunn was a no nonsense seventh year, the Head Girl as well as being the Quidditch captain, which was virtually unheard of before her arrival. A Beater on the Ravenclaw Quidditch team since her second year, she was staple in Ravenclaw's defence and one of their most reliable players. She was hard working and fierce, and especially determined to win the cup for Ravenclaw and end their ten year drought.

Christen was a little afraid of her.

“Right!” yelled Becky. “Everyone: left of field, now! That includes you, O’Hara.”

“Aw, come on Cap, you know I’m the best Beater partner you’ve ever–”

“No excuses, O’Hara. Line up!”

Kelley rolled her eyes grinning, and shuffled alongside Christen, winking and nudging her in the ribs. “Excited for the tryouts?”

Christen glared at her reproachfully. “You knew I couldn’t stand up to Becky, this is exactly why you dragged me along, isn’t it, you sneaky little-”

“Language, Press, we can’t have you mouthing off before the tryouts begin. Broon hates whiny players, and we wouldn’t want you getting off on the wrong foot would we? I know you have a little crush on her,” Kelley winked at Christen, and bounced off to where the rest of the hopeful Beaters stood, leaving Christen spluttering indignantly. She absolutely did not have crush on Becky Sauerbrunn. It was only a mild admiration for how well put together the girl was, considering the amount of responsibilities she had. She was definitely a powerhouse on the pitch and off, but wasn't egocentric about it, and Christen just wanted to have that sort of quiet confidence. That was all, really.

She was jolted out of her thoughts by Becky clapping her hands loudly, gathering the attention of the group. “Okay, Chasers! You’re up first, ten laps around the pitch, the ten fastest will go on to the next round. Into the air, and start on my whistle.”

Christen launched into the air on her designated Hogwarts broom - Becky believed in fairness and would not allow anyone to bring their own brooms to the tryouts - along with the fifteen other hopefuls, and hovered on the spot, waiting for the signal. Becky blew her whistle and Christen hesitated for a moment, watching, as the others begin to lap the pitch. The wind flew through her hair and she closed her eyes for a moment, savouring the feeling. She knew she could beat them and get into the team, but what would her parents say?

 _Get a job, get a house,_ was her dad's constant mantra. _Follow your dreams, but keep it realistic and keep your head down._ The only way to do that was to avoid attention and study; and Quidditch had a certain dramatic flair to it that definitely did not play into her father's idea of keeping her head down. But there was a certain rush she felt that didn't come from anywhere but flying. The adrenaline was something else.

“Come on, Press, you know you want to do this! You don't want to come last, do you?” Kelley bellowed at her from her spot amongst the Beaters.

As much as she tried to resist it, she knew her competitive streak would overcome her desire to prove Kelley wrong. Ignoring her lingering doubts, she flattened herself onto her broom and began to speed towards the other players. The rush that could only be inspired by the feeling of flying overcame her, and quickly she was speeding past the rest of the Chaser-hopefuls and landing in front of Becky in record time.

“Good job, Press. You’re into the next round,” Becky nodded at her, and marked something on her clipboard, which Christen swore she didn’t have five minutes ago.

The next round consisted of 1v1 battles against another player, which Christen passed with flying colours. The third round was penalty shots against the Keeper, Alyssa Naeher, with Becky calling out different types of shots for the hopefuls to try.

Finally, it was down to six players, including Christen, a fourth year named Lynn Williams, two third years she still didn’t know the names of, and the last two remaining Chasers from last year’s team; seventh years Nadia Nadim and James Boot.

They were split into two teams, Christen, James and one of the third years and Nadia, Lynn and the other third year on the other team. Becky yelled out certain plays for each team to execute and switched up the teams as they went on.

It felt as though tryouts went for hours, but finally, Becky called them down.

“Alright, I’ve made my decision. If I say your name, step forward. Nadim. Boot. Press.”

Christen nervously stepped forward with Nadia and James.

Becky surveyed them with a critical eye and pursed her lips. “Congratulations, you’re our starting Chasers. Welcome to the team.”

 

* * *

  

“You know, I still don’t forgive you for tricking me. You know how much I hate surprises, Kell.”

They were walking towards their first Potions class of the year, when Christen brought up the tryouts from the Saturday before. Kelley of course, had made the team, knocking out her competition easily. Literally. Christen was pretty sure Maddie Thompson was still in the Hospital Wing after Kelley had rocketed a bludger to her head on Saturday.

“Aw come on, Pressy, you love it! Admit it, you loved being up there playing with the team in tryouts. There’s no other feeling like it, right?” Kelley laughed and jumped onto Christen’s back, causing her to grunt and stumble in surprise.

The newly appointed Chaser shoved Kelley off her back, but gave her a small smile, “No, there really isn’t anything like it.”

“Just you wait until the games, it’s even better. Now, come on, I don’t want to be late for Potions, Slughorn already hates me for some bizarre reason.”

“Yeah, I really don’t know why. You’re so charming,” Christen notes sarcastically. “It’s not like you’ve pranked him so many times by swapping the labels on the ingredients in the shelves.”

“Gotta get my kicks somewhere, Pressy. And he’s so easy to annoy, maybe it’s a Slytherin thing. Speaking of…” Kelley smirked as they walked into the classroom and spotted Alex Morgan seated in the front of the class, and immediately made a beeline towards her, dropping herself unceremoniously into the seat next to her. Christen followed more slowly and sat cautiously next to Kelley, trying not to draw attention to herself.

Alex Morgan was the star Chaser for the Slytherin Quidditch team. She had already played for the national team twice over the summer, and already had several professional clubs vying for her, local and overseas. On top of that, she was gorgeous, intelligent and confident, and was incredibly intimidating to Christen. The height advantage did not help.

“So, Morgan, did you miss me over the summer?” Kelley leered at the Chaser, who turned and gave her an annoyed stare.

“You wish, O’Hara,” she replied acidly. Kelley just smirked in response as the doors burst open and Slughorn bustled through, apologising for his tardiness.

“Welcome to Advanced Potions, sixth years! Oh, there’s quite a few of you this year, excellent, excellent. Now, I won’t bore you too much, just a few housekeeping matters…”

Christen tuned out as she twirled her quill in her hands, thinking of the upcoming Quidditch match against Slytherin in three weeks. She’d watched the school matches before, and she’d seen how dangerous Alex Morgan was on the pitch, and especially how aggressive she was. Once she'd knocked out the keeper thirteen seconds into the match and didn't even blink an eye. Christen was beginning to regret her decision to join the team. She’d much rather stay alive.

“…and so, I’ve assigned you your partners for the rest of the year.” Slughorn announced.

There was a rumble of dissent amongst the class.

“Sir, you can’t be serious!”

“We’re sixth years; can’t we choose our own partners?”

“What a load of Hippogriff dung!”

“Class! Settle down, please,” Slughorn said loudly. “Now, this is non-negotiable. Not to worry, I’ve set you up each with people you would be compatible with, but may have not worked with before. Now, I will read out the partners, and you will move to sit your designated desk with your partner. No excuses.”

He began reading out names, but Christen could only hear white noise. Her hands began to shake. She’d always been partnered with Kelley, they worked well together, and Kelley was as good at Potions as she was so they were never in each other’s way. Kelley knew her quirks and how to work around them. She’d never been good at making friends, and to be stuck with this person for an entire year, with the majority of her grade relying on them? Her grade could drop from an O, and her parents would be furious. She'd be kicked out, surely. How would she maintain her GPA then? How would she get a job? She began breathing heavily just thinking of it. Everything seemed to slow down and she could only focus on her shaking hands.

Kelley saw her hyperventilating, and grabbed her hands, grounding her. “Hey Christen, hey, look at me. Breathe in." 

Christen took a deep breath and looked at the freckle-faced girl who was staring at her calmly. "Don’t worry okay? Slughorn said he wouldn’t pair us with someone we wouldn’t work well with. You’ll be fine, and I’ll still be your number one study buddy, right?”

Christen took another deep breath and closed her eyes. “Right. Of course, you’re right. I’m just being silly.”

“No, you’re not. This is important to you; I know how worried you get about grades. You’re overthinking it in that big brain of yours, I know it. It’s okay, if this partner doesn’t do their part, I’ll kick their ass, alright?”

Christen let out a shaky laugh and nodded. “Thanks, Kell.”

Kelley smiled and rubbed her hands before letting go and turning back to Slughorn.

“Next partnership, Kelley O’Hara and Alex Morgan.”

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me!” Alex cried out. “Professor, you can’t be serious, she’s incorrigible!”

“No complaints, Miss Morgan. As I’ve said, this is non-negotiable. You and Miss O’Hara will have to work out whatever issues you seem to have. Now, next we have…” Slughorn named Lauren Cheney and Amy Rodriguez, which to Christen seemed entirely unfair, considering they’d practically been best friends since birth.

Meanwhile, Alex huffed and glared at Kelley next to her. “No funny business, O’Hara, I mean it. You’ll regret it.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Morgan. I think we’re going to have a lot of fun,” Kelley grinned like she’d won the lottery and followed Alex to their designated desk. She winked at Christen and gave her a thumbs up from her spot. 

“Okay, next up. Christen Press.”

Christen drew in a sharp breath and tried to calm her breathing. 

“And Tobin Heath.”

Well, crap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm, just realised Tobin's not even in this, so might have to continue anyway. 
> 
> Dammit.


	2. Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christen tutors Tobin. Kelley tries to encourage Christen to open up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Will probably delete this". *Posts another chapter not even 3 days later*
> 
> Thank you to everyone who left a kudos or commented on the last chapter, means a lot :)
> 
> PLEASE BE AWARE: This story contains scenes dealing with anxiety, panic attacks and abuse. Please take caution if this will affect you in any way.
> 
> Enjoy.

Christen Press liked to have a plan.

Every part of her life was planned out, from her life goals to when she would get up and shower in the morning. She had a personal planner that she kept on her person at all times, having kept it since first year, when she had gotten it from her aunt as a gift for getting into Hogwarts. Having Tobin Heath as a Potions partner was decidedly not part of her plan. Granted, she didn’t have much of a say in the matter, but she was still convinced Fate must have had something against her.

Tobin Heath was in Hufflepuff, and a Chaser for their Quidditch team. She was basically a genius with the Quaffle, and always had a trick up her sleeve. Along with Alex, she’d also played with the national team and had been quoted by sports journalists as “the most exciting new playmaker of the next generation.” Her best friends were her fellow Hufflepuff Chasers, Lauren Cheney and Amy Rodriguez, and together, the three of them constituted one of the greatest offences ever seen in Hogwarts history. They’d all joined the team in their second year, and were dubbed “The New Kids” as they were collectively the youngest Chaser team in school history. They were famously known for beating Slytherin in the cup last year, despite the Slytherin Seeker catching the Snitch.

Tobin was calm and relaxed, and never seemed to be in a hurry, and never seemed to care too much about her grades. Not that she needed to, what with her practically guaranteed job in Quidditch when she graduated. This seemed to be a common theme amongst people in Christen’s year. It was a wonder she had any self-confidence left. She was popular and friendly, and extremely well liked around the school, unlike Alex, who was a little more feared. It probably had something to do with the fact that she was in Hufflepuff.

Basically, Tobin was everything Christen wasn’t. And Christen had the biggest crush on her.

Fate would put her with the girl she had harboured a massive crush on for the last five years. It was just her luck.

It was these thoughts that were running at high speed through Christen’s mind as she rose from her seat and walked with trepidation towards the designated desk. Tobin was already sitting there, and looked up with a large, toothy smile that almost knocked Christen off her feet.

“Hey, Christen.”

“H-hey, Tobin. H-how are you?” Merlin, if she couldn’t get through a simple greeting, how was she going to get through the year?

“Really good! I heard you’re the new Chaser for the Ravenclaw team. I never knew you played, we have to play together sometime.” Christen absently wondered if the girl ever stopped smiling, and was in half a mind to ask for her dental care regime.

“O-oh yeah, that sounds great.” It sounded terrible. She couldn’t even begin to imagine the amount of times she’d drop the Quaffle or fall off her broom in front of Tobin.

“I’m really glad you’re my partner for this, this isn’t my best subject. I only just made it into the class,” Tobin smiled sheepishly. “My parents insisted that I take it and made a deal with Slughorn that basically meant I could take it as long as I take tutoring for it.”

 _Tutoring? Surely not…_ Christen felt a sense of dread.

“Do you already have a tutor?” Christen asked.

“No, I’m supposed to wait until after class, Slughorn said he’ll have one of the students help me. I don’t know if it’s going to be a seventh year or not. Between you and me, I hope it’s not Wambach. She freaks me out.” Tobin grinned at her awkwardly, scratching the back of her head.

Oh, no. Surely, Fate wasn’t even this cruel. Christen hoped that Slughorn had found some other random student for her to tutor this year, but knew it was in vain. How many other sixth year students needed tutoring?

“Oh um, Tobin, I think I might be tutoring you. Slughorn asked me to tutor someone this year for some extra credit. I hope that’s okay with you.”

Tobin’s face brightened up, and Christen felt like she’d been momentarily blinded. _This is incredibly inconvenient_ , she thinks wryly. _At least I can somewhat form complete sentences around her without stumbling now._

“Oh, really? That’s awesome! I was hoping it’d be you, actually. This’ll be a lot of fun,” Tobin beams at her, and Christen curses herself for melting a bit. _Pull yourself together Press, Merlin’s beard._

“Yeah, a lot of fun.”

Christen was beginning to hate that word.

 

* * *

 

 

Before they’d even properly left the classroom, Christen grabbed Kelley by the arm and yanked her into the nearest alcove.

“Whoa, Press, I had no idea you felt this way. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for this–”

“Kelley, shut up. This is serious. Tobin Heath is my partner for Potions.”

There was a brief pause. “Okay… so?” Kelley raised an eyebrow at her.

“What do you mean, ‘okay, so’? She’s my Potions partner! And I have to tutor her! For an entire year!” Christen was almost in hysterics at this point.

“What’s wrong with that? Tobin’s a nice person, Christen.”

“Exactly!”

There was a pause as Kelley stared at Christen, and then she suddenly smirked knowingly. “Oh, I see. You’re afraid.”

“What? No, I’m not afraid! Why would I be afraid?”

“Because you have a crush on Tobin Heath, and you’re afraid of her finding out and exposing you,” Kelley claimed, grinning.

“What?” Christen said weakly. “No, I don’t.”

“Press, you stare at her all the time.”

“She’s a Chaser; I’m simply observing the competition.”

“You’ve been a Chaser for three days, Press, you’ve stared at her in class for six years.”

“I have to analyse her play.”

“I bet that’s not all you want to analyse.”

“Kelley!”

“Okay, alright, I’m sorry,” Kelley tried not to chuckle. “Alright, Press, here’s the deal. You like her, and you know this and you’re freaking out because it’s not part of your life plan or whatever, and you’ve overthought this about a million times. Am I right?”

“…maybe.”

“I’m right. Anyway, sometimes these things aren’t complicated. Maybe you just need to have faith and act on your impulses. Not everything needs to be planned out, you know.”

“There are so many cons to this, Kell. You know why I can’t let her in to my life,” Christen said sadly. “Not after last time.”

“I know,” Kelley gave her a sad smile. “But you know; things can change. People can change.”

“I hope you’re right.”

 

* * *

 

_Breathe in. Out. In. Ou-_

“Hey, Christen. Oh sorry, were you sleeping?”

Christen jerked out of her impromptu meditation and looked up at Tobin, who was smiling shyly down at her. “Hey, Tobin,” she said softly. “No, I was just meditating a little. Have you brought all your books?”

“Yeah, I’ve brought everything I need, including stuff from last year and the years before just in case,” Tobin said, gesturing towards a massive pile of books she had abruptly dumped onto the library table in front of Christen.

“I can see that,” Christen said, raising her eyebrow as she peered at the mountain of books, trying to figure out how to tell Tobin that they definitely wouldn’t need _Quidditch through the Ages_ for Potions tutoring.

Tobin saw her staring at the book and blushed faintly. “Oh yeah, I brought that for you, ‘cause you know you said you’d never read it before. That’s the original first edition by the way, it’s the best version. I couldn’t believe you hadn’t read it before, so I had to bring it along and well, you know, you can borrow it and read it… if you want,” Tobin trailed off her rant awkwardly, deliberately not looking at Christen and staring at her hands in embarrassment.

Christen’s heart softened, and she mentally berated herself for not feeling guilty about it at all. “That’s really nice of you, Tobin,” she smiled at her. “I’ll definitely make sure to read it. I don’t think anyone’s ever lent me a book before.”

Tobin’s head snapped up in shock. “Never? Not even for schoolwork or something?”

“No,” Christen said smiling. “I’ve always had my own. I kind of like owning my own things, and I’ve never been too great at sharing anyway.” There was a reason for that.

Tobin tilted her head at her curiously, but didn’t comment.

“Anyway,” Christen said, eager to move on, “I was thinking we’d start at the basics with the Forgetfulness potion. Ironically, it’s a key one to remember, as it’s almost always in the exam. So, do you know what the main ingredients are in the potion?”

Tobin looked at her confused. Christen barely repressed a sigh. They had a long way to go.

 

* * *

 

“So, the properties of aconite are extremely useful, and the flowers can be used in potions. The leaves are toxic, however, and there have been incidences when people have used the leaves instead of the flowers potions which had drastic effects. I mean, back in medieval Europe, it was used as animal bait for hunters, and…” Christen trailed off awkwardly as she noticed Tobin staring at her, a little glassy-eyed. “Um, sorry, that wasn’t really relevant. I tend to ramble a little and get off topic sometimes.”

It was their third tutoring session, and so far, the sessions were going a lot better than Christen had anticipated. Tobin was actually a lot smarter than she'd let on, and was very determined when it came to learning what she struggled with. She was so eager and listened intently to everything Christen said, which slightly unnerved her, but Tobin had such a relaxing effect on her that she found herself not minding too much. Usually, it took a while for her to warm up to someone, but something about Tobin was so comforting and welcoming to her. She found herself able to talk to her easily, something that had only happened so quickly before with Kelley.

Tobin shook her head quickly. “No, no! That was really interesting; you’re really passionate about this aren’t you?”

Christen blushed and ducked her head. “Yeah, I wanted to be a potioneer when I was little,” she laughed sheepishly.

“That's awesome! I don't think I'd ever have the patience for that.”

"What did you want to be when you were younger?"

Tobin immediately brightened up. "I wanted to be a football player."

"What's that?" Christen frowned.

"It's a muggle sport. I'm Muggle-born, so I had no idea about magic until I got my letter six years ago. Basically, you're on a team with ten others, and you have to beat the other team by kicking a ball around the field and into the net so you can score goals. It's kind of like Chasing, but with your feet and on the ground."

Christen stared at her in confusion. That didn't sound like Chasing at all. "Are there Bludgers?" 

The other Chaser laughed and shook her head. "No! That would be too dangerous for the Muggles, there's only one ball in this sport. It's really popular around the muggle world."

Only one ball? Christen found it hard to believe that this sport was exciting to watch. Who would be interested in watching a ball being kicked around a field? They didn't even fly! "Oh, well. That sounds interesting," she lied, still confused about the attraction of the sport.

"Yeah! It was my dream, but then I came here and discovered that the Wizard community can't compete in Muggle sports. Something about it being an unfair advantage or something," she rolled her eyes in annoyance. "At least I have Quidditch. Anyway, do you still want to be a potioneer?"

The Ravenclaw looked away, and chuckled nervously. "No, not really."

"Why not?"

This was getting a little bit too personal for her liking. “It’s not really realistic for me."  _Stability, Christen. Be realistic._  "Anyway, we’re getting a little off topic. Tell me, what are the main ingredients in the Pepperup potion?”

The Hufflepuff Chaser gave her an odd look at the sudden change of topic, but dutifully recited the ingredients. “Mandrake root and bicorn horn.”

“And the side effects?”

“Um, it causes steam to come out of your ears?”

“Excellent!” Christen exclaimed, impressed. “You remembered that really quickly! Are you sure you need a tutor?”

Tobin reddened a little and nodded. “Yeah, for some reason I can remember when you ask, but when it comes to the exam, I just blank. I have a little trouble concentrating sometimes.”

“I get that. The exams are pretty unforgiving,” Christen sympathised.

“No kidding! In second year, for the Potions exam, we had to make the Cure for Boils, remember?”

Christen nodded, gesturing for her to continue.

“Yeah well, actually, this is really embarrassing,” The other Chaser mumbled trailing off as she realised what she was going to reveal.

“No, go on, you can’t stop there!”

The Hufflepuff chuckled nervously, but continued reluctantly, “Um well, I was really nervous in front of Professor Slughorn, that I kind of rushed everything. I forgot to take the cauldron off the fire before adding the porcupine quills, and well you know what happens there.”

Christen winced and nodded. The cure for boils was a relatively easy potion to make, but one mistake could cause the potion to emit a terrible smell and fill up the room in seconds.

“It gets worse. I spilt it…”

“Oh no.”

“…and it went all over Professor Slughorn.”

“Oh Merlin, you were the one who sent Slughorn to the Hospital Wing for a case of boils? He was in there for a week!”

“Yeah,” Tobin nodded, looking down and flushing. “I don’t really know how I managed to pass that exam.”

Christen gaped at her, before laughing loudly. “I can’t believe that was you! I swear it was Klingenberg, she was always messing up in Potions.”

Tobin startled, staring at her, before grinning in response. “Nah, Kling actually passed that one with flying colours. Apparently, she’s had one too many accidents with that particular potion.”

Christen laughed again, and that sent them both into a fit of giggles, which caused Madam Turpin to materialise out of nowhere and shush them reproachfully.

Christen stifled her chuckle and smiled at Tobin, her eyes sparkling. “Well, it looks like you still might need me as a tutor. Just please don’t give me any boils, I’ve worked really hard to maintain this skin you know.”

“I can tell,” Tobin said. Christen widened her eyes, looking at her and Tobin seemed to realise her mistake and fumbled, “Um, I mean you know, you have really clear skin, you must look after it well.”

The dark-haired girl chuckled embarrassingly, “Um… thanks.”

There was a brief pause where they both looked at each other, unsure of what to say, before Christen looked away and shook herself out of her daze. _Control yourself, Press_ , _don’t creep her out._

“Well, I think we’ve covered enough for one day. I have to get to my Prefect rounds anyway,” Christen lied, before standing and packing up her books.

“Oh, okay, of course.” Tobin seemed startled by the abrupt ending to the session and watched the other Chaser quickly pack up her things but nodded. “I’ll see you tomorrow in class?”

Christen nodded swiftly, “Of course,” before practically sprinting out of the library, leaving Tobin staring after her in a state of confusion.

 

* * *

 

The door of the sixth year Ravenclaw dorm burst open and Christen surged in, startling Kelley who was idly levitating her Beater’s bat on her bed. The bat fell to the floor with a _thud_.

“Whoa, Press, where’s the fire?”

“Kelley, I have a problem.”

“What is it?”

“I can’t tutor Tobin.”

“What? Why not? I thought you said it was going fine?”

“It was going fine! But then she started talking and telling me stories, and we started laughing and Kelley, I don’t think I can handle this!” Christen panicked, pacing around Kelley’s four poster while the Beater stared at her dubiously.

“This really doesn’t sound that bad, Press.”

“It is bad! She’s asking me personal questions!”

“What kind of personal questions?”

“Like my plans for the future, why I can’t be a potioneer and stuff!”

“Again… this really isn’t so bad, Christen.”

The Chaser let out a strangled scream and huffed, throwing herself onto Kelley’s bed, face-down.

“You know, I tell you personal stories and I ask about your plans for the future,” Kelley noted, running her hands through the other girl’s hair.

“You know it’s not the same, Kelley. You didn’t give me a choice,” grumbled the other girl through the pillow.

“I know,” the Beater grinned, chuckling as she remembered their first interaction.

 

* * *

 

Eleven-year old Kelley O’Hara was most definitely going to crush it at Hogwarts. Granted, her parents were Muggles, and she’d had no clue about magic before, but she was sure she’d rise to the top of the school in no time. How hard could it be? She was nothing if not competitive and assertive. She was going to handle everything with confidence; and nothing and no one could stop her.

Except maybe this Charms essay. Who knew that you could write six inches of parchment about the levitation spell? It was certainly too much to ask for eleven year olds, Kelley thought. It was simply outrageous. She could already do the spell, what was so important about the history of it? Who cared that some guy accidently discovered the spell when he was picking apples in Ancient England?

Huffing to herself in frustration, she rolled up her piece of parchment that had barely two inches of writing on it and headed towards the Great Hall. Hopefully, she could get some chocolate milk. She didn’t know yet whether wizards had chocolate milk or not, but if not she was definitely handing in a complaint of some sort. Chocolate milk was the best thing ever invented. Better than magic and that was saying something. She wondered if there was a way to conjure it up, and made a note to ask Professor Lilly about it in Charms next lesson.

She was just thinking of sending a letter to her parents to ask if they could ship some chocolate milk to her when she entered the Great Hall and noticed a scuffle in the room, near the Ravenclaw table. A burly Slytherin third-year was shoving a smaller student with glasses, causing her books to fall to the floor.

Now, Kelley may have only just discovered she was a witch and therefore, she didn’t know any jinxes, but if there was one thing her father had taught her, it was to stand up for herself and for those who couldn’t stand up for themselves. Nodding resolutely to herself, she marched towards the two students. The chocolate milk would have to wait.

“What’s this, little raven? A diary?” The older student sneered at the young girl as Kelley began to make her way over. Kelley tried to remember her name, Taverner or Tank or something.

“I-it’s my p-planner. My a-aunt gave it to me.”

“Your planner, huh? It looks very important, doesn’t it? You wouldn’t mind if I take a peek, would you?” The Slytherin didn’t wait for a response and opened up the book, flipping through the pages. “7:00 a.m.: Wake up. 7:05 a.m.: Get out of bed. 7:10 a.m.: Brush teeth. Wow, little raven, are you neurotic or something? Do you have every part of you miserable life planned out?”

“Hey!” Kelley yelled, running up to them. “What are you doing?”

The older student turned towards her and smirked. Kelley idly noted that she seemed a lot bigger up close. Since when were thirteen-year olds so tall? “Oh look, another raven! Come to join the party? I was just teaching little Press here a lesson. She bumped into me in the Entrance Hall.”

“I-it was an accident, p-please, I’m sorry,” the girl called Press mumbled meekly. “Please, g-give me my planner back, I need it.”

Kelley placed herself in front of the other Ravenclaw and looked up at the taller girl defiantly. “Just give it back, and we won’t have an issue.”

The Slytherin grinned maliciously, “You’re a bit feisty, aren’t you? You sure you’re not a lion? They have a tendency to throw themselves into situations they’re not capable of handling.”

It was a clear warning, but Kelley had dealt with these types of bullies before; they tried to act tough, but weren’t really much when it came down to the thick of things. She turned up her nose and stood her ground. “Give it back, you snake.”

The Slytherin’s eyes became slits. “No, I don’t think I will, actually. In fact, I’m in need of a planner myself. I might just take a few pages out of this one right here.” And with that, she began to tear out the pages of the planner, and behind her, Kelley heard a small whimper from the other Ravenclaw.

Kelley’s eyes narrowed in anger and her instincts took over. She hated these types of people who picked on those weaker than them. It was cowardly and cruel. Before she knew it, her fist was flying up and she struck the bigger girl straight in the nose. There was a _crunch_ , and the Slytherin howled, clutching her nose and dropping the book.

“I think you broke my nose!”

Kelley shook out her hand and picked up the planner and the ripped out pages, handing it to Press. “Here you go,” she said, smiling at her. “I think we can still fix it with some tape or something.”

The other girl just stared at her with her mouth open.

“Miss O’Hara!”

Kelley winced, turning around and watching the new Slytherin Head of House; Professor Harvey, rush up towards her. This was just her luck. Why couldn’t she have gotten Slughorn?

“What is the meaning of this?” Professor Harvey demanded.

“Um, well you see, Professor. It really wasn’t my fault,” Kelley stammered lamely, drawing her hand behind her back, trying to hide the evidence.

“I saw you punch Miss Tancredi with my own eyes!” Tancredi! That was her name!

“Yes. Well. We just had a small misunderstanding, but it’s all fixed now, isn’t it, Tancredi?” She nodded at the other girl, who was grasping her nose, bleeding profusely. Kelley tried not to grimace and looked up at Harvey innocently.

“She punched me out of nowhere, Professor!” Tancredi exclaimed through her hands, her words coming out muffled.

“Excuse you, I was provoked! She was bullying Press here!” Kelley cried indignantly, no longer trying to hide that she had punched the other girl.

Harvey surveyed the both of them critically before turning to Press. “Is this true, Miss Press?”

The small Ravenclaw startled at being addressed directly, and her eyes darted from Kelley to Tancredi to the professor in a panic. Kelley tried to nod at her encouragingly. “Um, yes, professor. Miss Tancredi was trying to take my book here, and Miss O’Hara came to my defence. She didn’t start it, I swear.”

The professor stared at her for a moment, trying to figure out whether she was lying, before she sighed and looked at Kelley. “Violence is not tolerated at all at Hogwarts, Miss O’Hara, under no circumstances. I’m deducting fifty points from Ravenclaw, effective immediately, and you will serve two detentions with me, starting Saturday.”

Kelley yelped out indignantly, before quieting when Harvey sent her a glare.

“As for you, Tancredi, bullying is not tolerated either. I’m disappointed in you, my own student should know better! Fifty points from Slytherin and a detention for you as well.” Only one? That girl deserved more, but Kelley would take what she could get.

“But professor–”

“No complaints, Tancredi. Now take yourself to the Hospital Wing, you’re bleeding all over the floor.”

Tancredi grumbled and glared at the two Ravenclaws before relenting and stalking away with as much dignity as someone with a broken nose could have. Kelley tried not to snicker.

Professor Harvey turned and looked at them both, shutting Kelley up. “Go clean yourself up, O’Hara. Please refrain from punching other students in the future,” Harvey gave her a stern look, but Kelley swore there was a glimmer of a smirk on her face. She nodded at the both of them and walked off towards the teacher’s table.

Kelley let out a relieved sigh and turned towards the other Ravenclaw, and bowed dramatically. “Kelley O’Hara, at your service! You’re in my year, aren’t you?” She actually had no idea if she was, but this girl was so small that she had to be a first year.

The other girl stared at her, gaping, before replying, “Um yes, I’m Christen Press. We share the same dorm.”

Kelley blinked at her. She could’ve sworn she’d never seen this girl before in her life. Well, she’d be sure to never forget her from now on. She looked like she could use a friend.

“Well, Christen Press, I think we’re going to be great friends. Now, do you have any tissues? I think I’m bleeding.”

 

* * *

 

“Kelley, you’re a witch, you know. I still don’t know why you always seem to resort to physical violence in duels,” Christen mumbled from her position on Kelley’s bed. “Or get into duels in the first place.”

“I’m Irish, Press, it comes with the territory. Besides, you were so small then, you definitely needed help.”

“Thank you, my brave knight in shining armour, I’d be lost without you.”

“You’re welcome, Princess,” Kelley said smugly, choosing to ignore the sarcasm dripping from Christen’s voice.

“Ugh, you know I hate it when you call me that.”

“You love it. Now, stop stalling, what’s this about you and Tobin? Tell me why you’re freaking out.”

“I don’t even know, Kell. She makes me feel things I shouldn’t be feeling,” Christen peeked up through her hair to see Kelley wiggling her eyebrows at her suggestively. “Not like that! Get your mind out of the gutter for five seconds, O’Hara, Merlin’s beard!”

“Can’t, I was born there.”

“I mean, she makes me feel comfortable, and I don’t feel panicked around her, which in turn just makes me feel more anxious, you know? I have to distance myself from her.”

“No, I don’t know. If I like someone, I usually just go for it,” Kelley smirked at her, winking lecherously.

“Kell, be serious.”

“I am serious! I don’t know why you’re so against this! Tobin’s really great, I’ve trained with her in Quidditch camps before, and she’s super chill and down to earth.”

Christen sighed and rolled over, facing Kelley. “I just don’t want to get hurt.”

Kelley’s eyes softened and beckoned towards her. “Come here, Press,” she said, opening her arms and Christen gratefully accepted the hug. “I know it’s scary, but sometimes you just have to trust your instincts. Tobin’s not like her, okay? She won’t intentionally hurt you. It isn’t so bad to let someone in, once in a while.”

Christen flinched at the mention of _her_. “That wasn’t her fault, you know. It was mine.”

“No, it wasn’t, Press. You can’t apologise for being who you are. That girl didn’t deserve you,” Kelley said fiercely, shaking her head furiously. She had half a mind to beat up that girl if she ever met her. Even though Christen could definitely stand up for herself now, she was still a passive person that would prefer to avoid confrontation. It was why they worked so well together, Christen was always able to calm down a ferocious Kelley that was itching for a fight, while Kelley was able to fire up the younger girl when the time was right. Christen was a force to be reckoned with when she ignored her self-crippling doubt, and Kelley often wished she was more confident in herself. She had every reason to be.

Christen nodded, but she didn’t believe her. She’d tried not to think about it that incident over the summer too often, but every now and again she’d remember. She didn’t think she’d ever be able to shake that the guilt or that girl from her mind.

“Press, you made an agreement with Slughorn, but if you want I’m sure you can get out of tutoring. But Tobin is really nice, I swear, at least just try letting her be your friend. I can have a talk to her about prying, if you want?”

“No, don’t do that,” Christen replied frantically, extracting herself from Kelley’s embrace and lying next to her, rubbing her face. “I have to face my problems by myself, and that would just make her even more curious. I’ll continue tutoring her, okay?”

“Alright, if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure,” Christen confirmed.

“Okay, then. Now tell me, do you think Hope Solo is into me? Like, I have a chance, right?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Dammit.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I wasn't going to post for a while, but my country voted Yes to marriage equality today (kind of), so I felt like it was appropriate :)
> 
> Bloody hell, what have I gotten myself into?


	3. Crowds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christen plays her first Quidditch game. Tobin gives her a gift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone that's left a kudos and/or commented, I really appreciate it.
> 
> PLEASE BE AWARE: This story contains scenes dealing with anxiety, panic attacks and abuse. Please take caution if this will affect you in any way.
> 
> Enjoy.

Christen Press hated crowds.

She avoided parties and concerts like the plague. The first time she entered the Great Hall to be Sorted, she almost sprinted straight back out after seeing the sheer amount of people gathered. The only thing stopping her was the deep-seated sense of etiquette that could only come out of being raised in a pure-blood family. If she'd attempted to escape and gotten caught, she'd shame her family's name, and that embarrassment would be catastrophically worse than being Sorted in front of the school.

Growing up in a pure-blood family, she’d been taught early on how to deal with large amounts of people with a certain grace. Pure-blood gatherings were a staple during her early childhood, and there was always a stifling amount of people, all crowded into one ballroom. She’d often felt suffocated, and the stuffy ball gowns she was forced to wear did not help.

However, due to the fact that her family wasn’t considered one of the Sacred Twenty-Eight Pure-Blood Families, there was an increased pressure on her and her sisters to present themselves as perfectly as possible. One misstep and her family could be out of society, never to be invited back again. Her father would emphasise this frequently, and encouraged his daughters to be demure and charming to every pure-blood they met. She’d never quite been able to exude the same charm as her older sister, Tyler, when conversing with strangers, and could never quite shake the forced quality in her interactions. Perhaps that was why she was often overlooked, by both her family and the other pure-blood families.

The ballroom where these meetings were held was always dark and cold and Christen had always felt judged by the other pure-blood children due to her less expensive hand-me down clothes. Her parents were not poor by any means, but by pure-blood standards, they were the lowest in the food chain, so to speak.

Betrothals were their only option in rising to the top of the ladder, and thus her parents spent most of her childhood concentrating on Tyler to get a betrothal offer from one of the coveted Sacred Twenty-Eight families. No expense was spared, which often meant that Christen got the second hand ball gowns and jewellery. It did not escape Christen’s notice that her parents had probably given up on her due to her inability to converse comfortably with strangers, particularly pure-bloods. After all, Tyler had gotten married the year before, and instead of focusing on trying to find Christen a desirable spouse, they had moved straight on to Channing, her younger sister. She didn’t mind though, most of the pure-blood boys were vile, and she shuddered to think what would happen if she was married to someone such as Eric Flint. Despite the subdued focus, her parents still put her through lessons during her younger years.

Pure-blood lessons focused almost entirely on manners and decorum. Appearance and how you conducted yourself were the two most important parts of being a pure-blood. Politeness was so ingrained into her psyche by her parents; that her initial reaction of fear when confronted by strangers would always be forcefully stamped down.

“ _It doesn’t matter if you’re uncomfortable Christen, you cannot turn away someone like Malcolm Parkinson_ ,” her dad would say. “ _These families have a large influence, and I cannot have my reputation squandered because you refused to dance with one of their sons!”_

So, Christen would accept it, but as her own small rebellion, she'd try to blend into the background as much as possible. Crowds became easier to deal with as the attention on her would shift to the more amicable sister, Tyler, and later, her younger sister, Channing. She could blend in, and become invisible, and so she wouldn’t have to deal with unwanted advances from entitled rich boys. Less and less boys asked her dance, which she liked. She began to be able to ignore the stifling feeling of being surrounded by a large amount of people, and over time, it became easier. Having Kelley around helped. She would draw the crowd to herself, but never failed to make Christen feel left out. As long as she didn’t draw attention to herself, she was fine.

Quidditch, however, seemed to go hand in hand with crowds. It was a wonder that Christen had voluntarily – well, partly; Kelley had a large hand in it – subjected herself to this type of torture.

The Ravenclaw vs. Slytherin match was only a few hours away, and Christen was seated at the Ravenclaw table, trying to keep down what felt like a dozen of pixies having a party around in her stomach. She stared at the piece of toast Kelley had placed in front of her and briefly entertained the idea of transfiguring herself into one. It probably wasn't possible, but being a piece of toast sounded a whole lot better than being Christen Press right now.

"Press, eat something," ordered Becky sternly. "You'll need your energy for the game. Slytherin can smell weakness."

Christen wasn't sure if that was supposed to encourage her or not but it did nothing to swell the swooping sensation in her stomach. She reluctantly took a small bite at Becky's glare and felt the swirling feeling get worse. Next to her, Kelley had scarfed down three sausages, two eggs and four pieces of toast and was currently chugging down her second glass of chocolate milk. This did not help.

Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, earning a look of disgust from Nadim, she turned to Christen and grinned. "Press, this is going to be brilliant. Your first Quidditch match, and you're going to smash it! They won't know what's hit them. Literally, because between you and me, I'm the best Beater in the school."

There was a sigh from across the table.

"Except you of course, Cap!"

"O'Hara, please finish chewing before you speak," Becky said somewhat tiredly, picking out a stray piece of egg from her plate that Christen hoped hadn't come from Kelley. 

"Sorry, Cap," Kelley responded, looking completely unapologetic.

Becky rolled her eyes at her and continued to eat her food measuredly. After what felt like an age to Christen, she finally rose from her seat and addressed the team.

"Okay, team! Locker rooms!" 

The Ravenclaw team obediently stood up and followed her out. Christen followed more slowly, still trying not to vomit as she walked out the Great Hall.

"Christen!" She heard a familiar voice call out behind her. It was Tobin.

"Hey, I'm glad I could catch you before the game," she said when she caught up to her. "I was going to come to the table, but I think Sauerbrunn would've accused me of spying."

She laughed a little, but Christen could barely muster a smile because she was so nervous about the game.

"Anyway," Tobin continued, a little unnerved by Christen's lack of response. "I came to wish you luck, and uh, I brought you something." She reached into her robes and brought out some Quidditch gloves. Christen's heart skipped a beat.

"I know you don't like being lent things, but I'm giving these to you. Don't worry about the size, they automatically fit, and they're a really good brand, I have some myself. Put them on, they feel like a second skin," she urged Christen, smiling nervously as she shoved the gloves into her hands.

The gloves were made from leather and were painted a deep sapphire colour with silver undertones and silver straps. Putting them on, Christen noticed how comfortable they were, almost to the point where she could hardly feel them. It must have costed Tobin a fortune, especially because she was sure Quality Quidditch Supplies didn't sell gloves that had a raven painted on them. She'd checked.

"Tobin... this is amazing. I can't accept this though, it had to have cost you a fortune," she tried to hand the gloves back to the other girl, but Tobin refused.

"No, um, those are actually my old gloves," she said, almost reluctantly. "They're not dirty or anything, they have an Anti-Dirt spell and an Anti-Wear spell on them as well, I promise!"

"Tobin, I really appreciate this, but I'm not stupid. This is a custom-made design, no one sells these types at the front of store."

"Yeah, you're right," Tobin admitted sheepishly. 

"I know, you didn't have to lie-"

"I painted them."

There was a moment of silence as Christen went quiet and stared at her while Tobin deliberately avoided her gaze.

"You painted this? You can't be serious," Christen exclaimed, jaw dropping. "This is beautiful, Tobin!"

"Yeah, well, I really like painting. It kind of connects me to home and my old muggle life. And anyway, I know you were nervous about the game and hadn't gotten your own gloves yet and I mean, you can't play without proper gloves, that's so dangerous-"

She was cut off her ramble by Christen flinging her arms around her neck. Tobin stood in shock, and Christen quickly realised what she'd done and hastily retreated.

"Um, thank you, Tobin. This really means a lot to me, you have no idea," she fumbled out, before taking a few steps back. "I have to go to the game, but you'll be there, right?"

Tobin only managed to nod dumbly before Christen spun on her heel and practically sprinted away as Tobin stared after her.

 

* * *

 

 

The Ravenclaw Quidditch team gathered in the locker room, preparing to listen to Becky’s first pre-game speech of the year. Christen was sure she had never felt more nervous in her life. Unlike the anxiety she would get in ballrooms during pure-blood gatherings however, this nervousness felt different. It felt like she was on the verge of something important, but she didn’t know what yet.

She strapped on the gloves Tobin gave her and smiled a little. They really did feel like a second skin. She had to figure out a way to repay the other girl.

Becky cleared her throat and swept her steely gaze across the room.

“Alright, team. Listen up. This is it.”

“The big one,” Kelley stage whispered to Christen. “She says the same thing every year. I’m convinced she got it from someone else.”

“Quiet, O’Hara. This is the best team Ravenclaw has had in years. We're going to win. I know it. We know how dangerous Slytherin can be, they were in the finals last year,” Becky said.

Christen remembered that match. It was brutal. Slytherin had three of the best Chasers ever seen, but somehow, Hufflepuff was better. The New Kids were so in tune with each other, that not even the combined efforts of Carli Lloyd, Abby Wambach and Alex Morgan could defeat them. The match had dragged on for hours, with Hufflepuff always managing to stay at least 150 points ahead before the Slytherin Seeker had gotten so fed up and just decided to catch the Snitch to end it. She’d never seen Morgan that angry before in her life.

“We can beat them if we go in fast and hard. Now, Boot, I want you on Wambach, Nadim on Lloyd, and Press on Morgan..."

_What?! Why would Becky pair her with Morgan?_

“…and use those defensive manoeuvres we practiced in trainings.”

Christen was still reeling from the information, when Becky clapped her hands and brought the team into a circle.

“Alright, Ravens on three, one, two, three. RAVENS!”

“Hey, Press, you okay? You look a little green,” Kelley popped up next to her, looking concerned.

“Just a little nervous,” Christen said, trying not to think of how many days she’d inevitably spend in the Hospital Wing.

“Don’t worry about it, you’ve got this. You’re one of the best Chasers I’ve ever seen, seriously. You just have to believe in yourself.”

Touched by Kelley’s rare sincerity, Christen nodded shakily, smiling gratefully at her freckled friend. “Thanks, Kell.”

“No problem, Pressy, I’ve got your back. Now, let’s go kick some Slytherin ass!” Kelley clapped her on the shoulder and walled away to her starting spot.

Becky appeared next to her and smiled at her reassuringly. “Look, Press, I know you’re wondering why I paired you with Morgan. You’re extremely different players, and it might not make sense to you, but the truth is, you’re our fastest and most creative Chaser. You’re the only one who can keep up with her. You can do this."

Christen smiled shakily at her, feeling slightly more emboldened from Becky's mini pep talk.

"Good on you, Press. Nice gloves, by the way.”

Becky raised an eyebrow at Christen's ensuing blush before she returned to her spot next to Kelley as they awaited the announcement of their team. Christen let out a sigh of relief at her words. She could do this. 

“Annnnnddd welcome, Hogwarts students, to another beautiful Saturday morning of Quidditch! What a game we’ve got in store for you, today! Slytherin vs. Ravenclaw, what an exciting match-up this is! Now, without further ado, please welcome your Slytherin Quidditch team!” Sebastian Salazar, probably one of the most energetic Slytherins in existence, was commentating for the game, supervised by Professor Harvey. He excitedly screamed out the names of the Slytherin team as a blur of green and silver flew out onto the pitch. “ANNNNNNNDDDD, ALEX MORGAN!!”

The crowd went wild, and from her position, Christen could see students clad in green holding up signs declaring their love for the girl. One student had even made an animated poster that involved Morgan shooting a goal and celebrating, covered in little pink hearts. Christen admired their dedication, though she the hearts were a bit much.

“And now, please welcome the Ravenclaw Quidditch team, led by Captain Becky Sauerbrunn! Alyssa Naeher! Kelley O’Hara! James Boot! Nadia Nadim! Christen Press! Annnnnnddd Rowan Lovegood!”

Christen zoomed out along with her teammates onto the pitch to the roars of the crowd. She sped around the pitch once and landed in the middle, facing the other team. Morgan was opposite her, wearing her number 13 jersey, jaw clenched. She saw Carli Lloyd, the Slytherin captain, adjusting her gloves behind her, looking completely relaxed as Abby Wambach, the other Chaser, looked towards the crowd, grinning and hyping them up. Their beaters, Torres and Graham looked entirely too big to still be in school and were swinging their bats menacingly, glaring at the Ravenclaws. She’d heard how hostile the Slytherins could be, but it was a different story when you were opposite them about to play a match that felt like it could only end in death. Maybe she was being overly dramatic, but one look at Hope Solo, the Slytherin Keeper and possibly more intimidating than the entire team combined, confirmed her fears.

The crowd was going nuts, and her nervousness showed no signs of abating. What if she dropped the Quaffle as soon as Boot or Nadim passed it to her? What if she was knocked out by a Bludger before she could even get the Quaffle?

Before she could dwell on it though, the resident Flying instructor and referee for the match, Madam Scott walked onto the pitch and set her stern gaze on the players hovering above her.

“Now, you know the rules. I want a clean match from all of you!” Christen swore she stared at Wambach for a moment longer than the rest of them. “Mount your brooms!”

Christen swung her leg over her Nimbus Three Thousand, and tried to calm her nerves.

“On my whistle!”

The whistle blew and the Quaffle was thrown into the air, and suddenly it felt like Christen was in pandemonium. Flashes of blue and green were speeding all around her, and she could barely keep track.

“Annnndd they’re off! Slytherin gets first possession, it’s Morgan, to Lloyd, back to Morgan, passes to Wambach – OUCH – nice Bludger from O’Hara there – and Nadim steals the Quaffle, Ravenclaw in possession, she’s speeding down the pitch – passes it to Boot – INTERCEPTED – it’s Morgan again! Beautiful pass to Lloyd, she sweeps past Boot, dodges Sauerbrunn’s Bludger and she shoots! Naeher dives – misses – SLYTHERIN SCORES! Naeher unable to save that rocket of a shot! 10-0 Slytherin!”

The green side of the stadium erupted in cheers as groans came from the blue Ravenclaw section. Christen hovered on her broom, flabbergasted at the speed of the game. It was all happening so quickly. She felt frozen in time.

“Press, what the hell are you doing?” Boot screamed at her as he raced past. “Get your head out of the clouds!”

Shaking her head, she turned her broom and headed towards Wambach, flattening herself as she raced to the seventh year. She was gaining on her when out of the corner of her eye, she saw Bludger whipping towards her and purely on instinct she rolled underneath her broom, just barely managing to dodge it. Wambach sped away from her and scored Slytherin’s second goal.

“OOH that was a close one, Ravenclaw’s new Chaser Christen Press just missed out on a serious injury there! AND SLYTHERIN SCORES! Wambach is on the board, Slytherin 20, Ravenclaw 0. Better be quicker than that if you want to compete with all your limbs there, Press!”

_Screw you, Salazar._

“Nice roll, there Press! Don’t worry about it, shake it off, we’re still in this!” Kelley whipped past her, grinning manically as she whipped a Bludger towards Graham’s head with a concerning amount of glee.

Slytherin were still in possession, and Morgan was racing down the pitch with the Quaffle tucked underneath her arm, sweeping past Nadim and Boot. Christen raced towards her but she was too late, and she could only watch as the shot spun through the middle hoop as the Slytherin crowd cheered.

“AND SLYTHERIN SCORES AGAIN! It's Morgan this time and what a star she is, folks, and so pretty too, but you know, she refused to go on a date with me,” Salazar lamented, staring folornly at Morgan, who was completing her celebratory lap of the pitch, ignoring the commentator's box.

“Maybe you’re not her type!” yelled Kelley as she zoomed past the commentator’s box.

“Oh and you are?”

Kelley responded by sending a Bludger towards the commentator’s box, which was luckily deflected at the last second by Becky.

“O’HARA! AIM FOR THE SLYTHERINS ON THE BLOODY PITCH OR MY NEXT BLUDGER IS FOR YOU!" she screeched, swooping past Kelley and smacking her on the head.

“That was a sure penalty! Come on, ref!” Salazar squawked, as he came up from his cowering position behind the box.  Harvey looked entirely unaffected. When the Madam Scott didn't respond, he rose fully and continued his tirade. “Anyway, as I was saying, Alex Morgan refused to go on a date with me! I guess her reputation of being a stone-cold b–”

“Mr Salazar, we are here to discuss Quidditch, not your personal life,” growled Professor Harvey.

“Sorry, Professor, got to talk about it somewhere, and it’s still 30-0 to Slytherin! Lloyd in possession and she passes to Wambach – she’s hit hard in the stomach by a Bludger, I think that was Sauerbrunn, but Morgan is still able to recover the Quaffle and it’s a clear field and she’s zooming down–”

She saw Morgan racing down the pitch, and quickly, she gave chase. Morgan was swerving and dodging the bludgers, and managed to evade a desperate Boot who almost fell off his broom trying to grab the Quaffle from her. She was so fast, and Christen was straining as hard as she could to catch up to her.

“Come on,” she urged to her broom. “Come on, almost there…”

She was almost upon her. Morgan saw her coming, and swerved to the left, but Christen kept on her tail, urging her broom on. She came up on the left side of the Slytherin and lunged out for the Quaffle, but Morgan brought the Quaffle just out of reach, flattening herself onto her broom, holding the Quaffle underneath. _Rookie mistake_ , thought Christen. Players always thought the Quaffle was safest underneath them, but Christen had watched enough Quidditch games to know that it was really where they were most vulnerable. Breathing in, she blocked out the sounds of the crowd as she prepared for her next move. Suddenly, she could only hear own heartbeat, which was surprisingly steady. _You can do this, Christen._ Gathering her courage, she abruptly swerved into Morgan, who lifted her broom up looking alarmed, which allowed Christen to roll underneath her, snatching the Quaffle out of her hands.

Not wasting any time, Christen sped towards the hoops, dodging the oncoming Bludger. Wambach sped towards her and she lifted her arm to shoot towards the left hoop, before suddenly spinning her broom and shooting the Quaffle towards the right hoop. A long beat seemed to pass as she stared at the Quaffle curving through the air, blood roaring in her ears, hoping her strike was true. Her heart skipped a beat as she saw Solo diving, but she was too late. The Quaffle sailed through the hoops, and a _schwing!_ sounded out throughout the stadium.

A beat.

Then a massive roar came from the Ravenclaw stands.

“AND RAVENCLAW RESPONDS! It’s their newest Chaser, Christen Press! What a shot that was, stole it from Morgan then faked a shot before belting it towards the right hoop! Duked out both Wambach and Solo! Bloody brilliant! It's 30 Slytherin, Ravenclaw 10.”

The blood roaring in her ears came to a stop and a feeling she’d never felt before swept through her body and filled up her chest. It was euphoria. This was what she was she was looking for.

The game ended with Slytherin beating Ravenclaw 180 – 50, with Christen scoring three of their five goals. The Slytherin Seeker had managed to catch the Snitch pretty quickly after she’d scored a shot from almost halfway down the pitch. Although they had lost, she’d sworn she’d never felt happier in her life.

Maybe crowds weren’t so bad.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos to you if you know where Becky stole that speech from.
> 
> Was that entire chapter just Quidditch? Maybe so. I don't regret it.


	4. Attention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christen and Alex sit next to each other in Charms. Kelley is up to something. Slugs are a menace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos and comments, it's much appreciated.
> 
> PLEASE BE AWARE: This story contains scenes dealing with anxiety, panic attacks and abuse. Please take caution if this will affect you in any way.
> 
> Enjoy.

Christen Press hated attention.

Her parents would use any excuse to throw a party – exclusively for pure-bloods, of course – and every birthday she’d been forced to smile and wave as people would come up to her and judge her under the guise of wishing her a good birthday. Beatrice Nott and Eileen Zabini were notorious for this, and never failed to give her some sort of attention, but it would always be the unpleasant kind.

Those girls had never achieved anything of importance in their life, Christen was sure. She tried not to hate them, but they made it difficult. They were the darlings of pure-blood society, exactly the type of people who were used to getting what they wanted, all the time. They were the most sought after bachelorettes in the high society of the Wizard community in England. Ever since she had first started entering society, Nott and Zabini had targeted her for some unknown reason. It was most likely due to the low rank of her family and the quality of her clothes. Nott especially, had reason to judge her for her clothes.

Beatrice Nott had the face of a hawk, with her sharp blue eyes and her long nose. She was always wearing the latest and most expensive jewellery, shipped to her by her father practically every week. Theodore Nott owned one of the largest magical fashion businesses in the world, and as such, the Nott family was one of the highest ranking pure-blood families, purely because they were filthy rich. Beatrice would never fail to flaunt that fact. Christen was sure she’d never seen her wear the same outfit twice. And that included the school robes. She still wasn’t sure how it was possible, let alone practical. But practicality was never common in pure-bloods.

Eileen Zabini, on the other hand, would probably be the prettiest girl she’d seen if it weren’t for her hideous personality. She had smooth dark skin and bright eyes that would always twinkle at her suitors, men or women, teasingly. Unlike her friend, the Zabinis weren’t the richest, but had managed to weasel their way into the inner circle purely by cajoling the richer families in. Zabini had a famous reputation for leading on her many lovers, before cruelly undermining and blackmailing them to do various deeds for her. Christen wondered how she’d still managed to pull them back towards her, and wondered if potions were involved somehow.

Christen often wished she could handle attention like Nott and Zabini, who seemed to live off it. Although they possibly had the worst personalities of anyone she’d ever met, no one could deny their confidence. Perhaps if she had a little bit of that, she wouldn’t feel so uncomfortable walking the halls in Hogwarts. She’d already been asked out by three people she’d never even seen before since the match. Kelley was thrilled. Christen was not. She wondered if it was too late to back out of the team, but realised she would rather face a dragon rather than an angry Becky Sauerbrunn. She would have to deal with the attention somehow.

 

* * *

 

A few days after the Quidditch match, Christen and Kelley were walking down the corridor, to the Charms classroom. Kelley had a free period and offered to walk with Christen, citing boredom, but Christen knew it was to keep her from being approached in the hallways. A lot more people seemed to know who she was after the match, and many people from all different houses were waving to her and congratulating her on her performance. It felt bizarre, and almost as though she had some sort of a celebrity status within the castle that had manifested in a few days. All because she’d put a Quaffle through a hoop a few times and her team hadn’t even won.

Needless to say, she was uncomfortable with the amount of attention she'd garnered in such a short amount of time. She wondered how Kelley had dealt with it all these years, but one glance at the effusive girl made her think that she didn't mind the attention at all.

“It was absolutely brilliant, Press! You know, I’m pretty sure we have a chance at winning the cup this year with you,” Kelley rambled excitedly. “Sure, we probably should get a better Seeker, I mean, I swear Lovegood’s just staring at the clouds half the time rather than looking for the Snitch.”

Christen didn’t comment, but she had to agree. Rowan Lovegood seemed to be in another world from the rest of them. She had no idea how he’d managed to make it onto the team.

“That Bludger to Morgan was incredible, Kells. If I didn’t know you liked her so much, I’d swear you were actually trying to kill her.”

“Nah, Morgan knows it’s all fun and games. I’m not serious about anything except for Quidditch,” Kelley laughed.

Christen raised an eyebrow, but chose not to say anything. Kelley seemed to be in her own stage of denial about her attraction for Alex Morgan, but who was Christen to say anything? She still could barely look Tobin in the eye.

“Hey, Christen, you’ll be alright in Charms, right?” Kelley asked somewhat nervously. Christen frowned, she was very used to Kelley sitting next to her in every class they had, but Kelley had decided to not take N.E.W.T. level Charms, leaving Christen stranded. She’d had classes without Kelley before, but usually there was someone she knew in the class she could sit next to. Apparently none of her other friends had decided to take Charms this year. So for the past few weeks, she’d been sitting alone, but Kelley didn’t need to know that.

“Of course, Kelley, I’m not a child,” Christen said, but grinned at her to know she was joking.

“I know that,” Kelley said. “Sometimes, I just worry, that’s all.” They arrived at the Charms classroom and Kelley hugged her. “See you in Arithmancy, yeah?”

“Obliviously, you’d fail that class without me,” Christen chuckled.

“It’s why I keep you around,” Kelley winked, before waving and walking away.

Taking a deep breath, Christen entered the classroom and quickly tried to search for an empty table, but couldn’t find one. The classroom had been arranged into tables with two chairs, and not single desks. She stalled, anxiously trying to think of a way around this.

“Lost, Press?” a snide voice said from behind her. She startled and looked over her shoulder to see Nott smirking at her. “Ooh, a little jumpy, are we? Careful, there. We wouldn’t want you to make a scene… like last summer.”

Christen froze. Her last words seemed to echo in Christen’s head and she could feel a familiar burn start to rise from her chest. How did she know about that? No one knew outside her family, her parents had done everything in their power to keep it quiet.

“That’s right, Press. I heard all about it, I didn’t know you had it in you. I underestimated you.” She leered at Christen, giving her an unpleasant smile. “Maybe you should’ve been in Slytherin, after all.”

Christen could feel her face burning, but still couldn’t muster a response. How did she know? She’d only told Kelley part of it and no one else. Her hands started shake, and she could feel the familiar burning sensation in her chest start to build up, and her chest felt so tight–

“What’s wrong, Press? Can’t speak without O’Hara tugging on your leash?”

“Oh, shut up, Nott, or I’ll tell everyone what happened with Adam Pucey over summer,” an annoyed voice said from in front of her. She looked up to see the last person she’d ever expected to see rescue her; Alex Morgan. Nott’s face flushed and she glared darkly at Morgan, but moved back to her seat next to Zabini, who was staring at her nails with a practiced air of indifference. She gave Christen a meaningful look. It wasn’t over.

Morgan moved back towards her desk and gestured towards Christen. “You can sit with me, Press.”

Surprised, Christen made her way over and sat next to her. She’d never interacted with Morgan one on one before, usually Kelley was there as a buffer, and even then, they’d never really exchanged words directly with each other before. She tried not to stare at the girl next to her, who had now seemed to go back to her previous state of not caring that Christen existed.

Alex Morgan was somewhat of an enigma to her. She was practically perfect, constantly overachieving both academically and athletically, however she never seemed to care much for the legion of fans she’d garnered over the years. Everyone knew everything about her, but at the same time, no one seemed to know anything about her. She’d had a short romance with Servando Carrasco in fifth year that ended in dramatics in the middle of the Entrance Hall. No one knew as to why, but people had suspected it was something to do with her success on the youth national team. Since then, she’d gone on zero dates and was not afraid to publicly shut down hopeful suitors in front of the entire school. Rumours constantly circled her, and she’d been on the front page of the _Hogwarts Monthly_ at least ten times, but it didn’t seem to faze her. Christen wondered how she did it.

“Attention, class. We will begin the lesson now,” Professor Lilly announced from the teacher’s desk in the front of the room. “As you can see, I’ve rearranged the room, as we will be doing some practical work today, so you will be in pairs.”

Christen looked at Morgan from the corner of her eye uncertainly. Morgan continued to ignore her.

“Today, we will learn how to create water. This can be an excellent lifesaving charm to know, and therefore, it is essential that you learn this. It will be in your N.E.W.T.s.”

The class groaned at the mention of the exams.

“Now, the incantation is _Aguamenti_ ,” Lilly continued, ignoring the moans of the students. She waved her wand, and large bowls appeared on the desks in front of every student. “Simply aim your wand at the bowl and say the incantation while slightly twisting your wrist, like so.” Lilly pointed her wand at a bowl in front of her, and a jet of water suddenly rushed out and began to fill the bowl up quickly.

Before it overflowed, she waved her wand and released the spell. “To stop the stream of water, simply flick your wrist and say _Agua Prohiberus._ You must remember, the intent is key, however, with Aguamenti, you must be careful not to go overboard, or you may find yourself less dry than you were before. Begin.”

Immediately, students eagerly began saying the incantations with varying degrees of enthusiasm, ranging from apprehensive whispers to eager shouts.

“Hey, um, thanks for earlier,” Christen said amongst the noise of the classroom. “I really appreciate it.”

Alex looked at her from the corner of her eye and shrugged. “Don’t mention it. Seriously, don’t.” She turned back to her bowl and started muttering the incantation under her breath.

Unnerved and a little confused, which seemed to be her constant state of emotion regardless, Christen imitated her. “ _Aguamenti!”_ she said purposefully. Nothing happened. She swore she saw Morgan smirk from her seat next to her. Embarrassed, she tried again to the same effect, and heard a snicker.

Clenching her jaw, she closed eyes and began to visualise water in her mind. Unconsciously, the beach came to mind and she smiled a little before an unwanted memory surfaced. _Stop that, Christen._ Jerking out of the memory, she opened her eyes and stared at the bowl. _Intent is key._

Pointing her wand, she murmured “ _Aguamenti!_ ” somewhat forcefully under her breath. Slowly, a small stream of water began to shoot out of the end of her wand. Amazed, she stared as the water began filling up the bowl.

“Impressive,” Lilly noted, standing in front of her desk and giving her an approving smile. “I’ve never seen anyone pick up the spell that quickly before. 20 points to Ravenclaw.”

Christen smiled unconsciously and muttered the counter-charm, relieving the bowl from overfilling. She felt a stare from the right of her, and she looked over to see Morgan quickly turning back to her bowl and furiously muttering the spell under her breath. The bowl stayed bone dry.

If Christen was a more vindictive person, she would’ve let Morgan suffer, but Christen was never the mean type. Tentatively, she cleared her throat. Morgan looked up with a glare, and Christen tried not to flinch.

“If you- um, if you twist your wrist anti-clockwise and then clockwise when you say the incantation, it might help.”

“I didn’t ask for your help, Press,” Alex growled, making Christen wince.

Looking back towards her bowl, she resigned herself to enduring the rest of the class in tense silence before she suddenly heard the tell-tale rushing of water. Glancing over, she saw water shooting out of Morgan’s wand as she stared wide-eyed. Watching the jet for a moment, she eventually said the counter-charm and turned to Christen, who quickly looked away.

“Uh, thanks for the tip, Press,” Morgan muttered, looking uncommonly abashed.

Christen turned back to her surprised, but Morgan seemed unwilling to say anything else. Christen was sure she wasn’t used to apologising, so she smiled hesitantly at her. “You’re welcome, Morgan.”

There was a slightly tense silence, where Christen wondered if she should say anything else.

“The game on Saturday,” Morgan suddenly announced. “You were good.”

“Uh, thanks,” Christen said, confused at the sudden change of topic.

“I wanted to kill you for that steal.”

“Oh,” Christen said feebly, not sure what to say.

“Have you played for long?”

“Um, I’ve never played in a team before. I’ve only played in my parent’s pi- backyard,” she fumbled, trying not to reveal her wealth. She hated the way people’s view of her changed when they found out how rich her parents were. Somehow, she thought Morgan wouldn’t appreciate the fact that her parents owned a full Quidditch pitch.

“You’ve never played with anyone else before?” Morgan asked, raising her eyebrows in disbelief.

“Um, no. Well, I played with Kelley over the summer, but that was the only time. That was how I got into the team, she tricked me into it,” Christen said, chuckling ruefully, but when she looked over, Morgan wasn’t smiling. She quickly dropped her smile.

“Do you and O'Hara always spend your summers together?”

“Usually we do see each other for a bit in the summer, but this summer we could only see each other for a bit because I-” she stopped herself, realising she was revealing a little too much for her comfort. “I was away for a bit of it.”

“Oh,” Morgan said. She didn’t seem very happy, Christen thought, but Morgan never seemed too happy anyway. “You seem very close.” It wasn’t a question.

“We’ve been best friends since we were eleven,” said Christen. “I don’t know what I’d do without her.”

Morgan’s eyes narrowed and she nodded. “That’s a strong bond you have. Kelley seems… loyal.”

“Yeah, she’s one of a kind,” Christen said, watching a range of emotions flit across Morgan’s face.

“You two seem very happy,” Morgan said somewhat shortly and stood up abruptly. Christen looked confused before she realised that the lesson was already over. “I’ll see you later, Press.”

Christen watched her walk out of the classroom with confused interest. That was bizarre. Why did she ask so many questions about her and Kelley? She was pretty sure the entire school knew they were best friends. Kelley was not afraid of sharing that fact with the entire world, let alone the school. So why did Morgan seem so upset when she heard Christen confirm it? A wild thought crossed her mind. Was it possible that she liked Kelley back? No, that was absurd. Morgan hated Kelley with a passion.

Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, she gathered her bag and left the classroom. Maybe she’d taken one too many Bludgers to the head in practice. The idea that Alex Morgan would like Kelley O’Hara was ridiculous. Right?

 

* * *

 

A week later, it was Halloween, and Kelley was incredibly excited. Halloween was possibly her favourite holiday, purely due to the way the holiday seemed catered to pranks and scares, which was right up Kelley’s alley. She was particularly fond of the Regurgitating Toilet prank, and last year, had tweaked it to cough up frogs instead of its own contents when the flush chain was pulled. She’d targeted the girl’s bathroom on the fourth floor, and Christen didn’t think she’d ever seen Sydney Leroux run that fast before in her life.

Kelley was so renowned for her pranks that Christen was positive she’d already had something planned for this year. She was in the Ravenclaw common room reading in front of the fire when Kelley approached her and sat next to her with an eager grin.

“So, Press, I need help.”

“No.” Christen didn’t look up from her book.

“What? You don’t even know what it’s for!”

“You want to prank someone and want me to help.”

“Well, not exactly…” Kelley said slowly.

“Really?” Christen deadpanned, still concentrating on her book.

“Okay, so it might be a little bit of a prank-”

“No.”

“Come on, Christen, it’ll be brilliant, I’ve got this great plan-”

“No.”

“I just need you to help me with one small thing.”

“No.”

“I’ll give you chocolate.”

“What? Kelley, I can’t be bribed! That’s offensive,” Christen exclaimed, affronted.

“I’ll give you money?”

“No!” Christen gaped at her. "Kelley, that's even worse!"

“Okay, okay. What about this? Next time we go to Hogsmeade, I’ll take you to the muggle town and to the rescue centre there. I know you miss Morena.”

“No-” Christen paused, mid-denial. She really did miss her pet Crup, Morena, who was back at home while she was at Hogwarts. Crups weren’t allowed at Hogwarts, mainly due to their aggressive nature. “I’m listening.” Animals were always her weakness, especially dogs, as they were practically the non-magical version of Crups.

“Okay!” Kelley jumped on the opportunity, not willing to let Christen back out on her decision. “So, you’re in Charms with Alex, right?”

“Yes,” Christen said, uncertainly. She didn’t like where this was going.

“All I need for you to do, is to just slip her a note from me, okay? That’s all, Press, I promise.”

“What’s in this note?”

“It’s a surprise,” Kelley grinned. Christen didn’t like the glint in her eye. Something about this didn't feel right.

“I don’t know, Kelley…”

“It’s not bad, Press, I swear. I wouldn’t hurt her.”

“I know,” Christen said. Kelley did have a reputation for going a little too far with her pranks, but she was never malicious. She was still unsure where she stood with Morgan. She was civil to her, but she seemed upset at the end of the last Charms lesson. No, she couldn’t do it; Morgan was still too intimidating–

“The rescue centre has puppies.”

“You’ve got a deal.”

 

* * *

 

A few days later, she was in Potions, absentmindedly slicing the horned slugs to go into the antidote potion they were supposed to be making. She was concentrating so much on how she was going to approach Alex and give her the note that she didn’t notice Tobin trying to get her attention.

“Christen?” Tobin asked again, a little loudly.

The Ravenclaw jerked out of her stupor and turned abruptly to the other girl. “Sorry, what did you say?”

“Um, I just wanted to know what to put in the cauldron now. It’s been boiling for a while now, and it’s starting to look a bit like vomit.”

Christen looked towards their cauldron, and to her horror realised that Tobin was right. Panicking, she quickly flicked off the fire with a wave of her wand and shoved the slugs she was slicing into the cauldron. There was a loud squelching noise, and the potion seemed to almost cave in on itself before a sound similar to a belch sounded, and the liquid rose up in the cauldron again. She quickly began to stir the contents and the potion began to turn a lime green colour. Sighing in relief, she turned to Tobin, whose face seemed to resemble the colour of the potion.

“You okay, Tobin?”

“Yep! Yes, absolutely fine, that was… cool,” Tobin said, looking the opposite of fine.

“You look a little unwell.”

“No, no, I’m okay. How about you? You seem a little distracted,” she noted, looking at Christen, who noticed too late that she was still stirring, which was causing the colour to resemble seaweed rather than lime.

Abruptly, she stopped stirring, turned the fire on again and quickly added another slug, which thankfully restored the bright green colour.

“Sorry, I was just distracted,” Christen said, once she was finished salvaging the potion. The cauldron bubbled happily in front of them, and Christen tried not to glare at it.

“Are you okay? You’ve been distracted for the past few days,” Tobin noted with concern.

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just stuff with Kelley,” Christen answered.

“Oh,” Tobin said, frowning. “Are you guys okay?”

“Of course! She just wants me to do something I’m not entirely sure about.”

“It’s not illegal, is it?”

“What?” Christen turned to the other girl, shocked. “No, of course not. It’s to do with Halloween.”

“Ah,” Tobin said, suddenly understanding. “Are you finally getting involved in a famous O’Hara prank?”

“No!” Christen protested. Tobin raised an eyebrow at her. “She bribed me with dogs. She knows I can’t resist them.”

Tobin let out a laugh, and Christen found herself smiling a little too.

“That girl really knows how to swindle people.”

The girl in question was currently clumsily hacking at some dragon liver with enthusiasm, while Alex next to her stared with awe and a little bit of disgust. Christen wondered if either of them knew that the Antidote to Acromantula Venom didn’t contain dragon liver.

“I wanted to tell you by the way, you were really good last week in that match,” Tobin said, causing Christen to blush.

“T-thanks, Tobin,” she mumbled, looking down. “I wasn’t that good though. I mean, we still lost.”

“No, you were amazing,” Tobin insisted. “Seriously, you’re one of the best Chasers I’ve ever seen.”

“I-thank you,” Christen stuttered, overwhelmed. Tobin was looking at her so openly and she felt a tightness in her chest, but it wasn’t uncomfortable like she’d felt when she was feeling anxious. It felt warm. “I think the gloves really helped though.”

Tobin grinned. “I told you they were great, didn’t I? So you actually liked them?”

“They’re amazing, Tobin. I’ve never had something like this before. Thank you,” she said sincerely, looking into the other girl’s eyes. They looked at each other for a long moment before Tobin cleared her throat mumbling a “you’re welcome” before turning back to diffusing the Horklump juice for the potion.

“So, Hogsmeade,” Tobin said abruptly after a moment of silence.

“Yes?” Christen replied, after a moment when Tobin didn’t seem as though she was continuing.

“Do you like, uh, going to Hogsmeade?” she asked, before wincing a little.

“Sure,” Christen said, still confused. She paused a little before continuing, “I love Madame Puddifoot’s.”

Tobin’s face blanched before replying, “Oh, really? That’s, uh, cool.”

Christen kept a straight face for a moment before breaking, chuckling at Tobin’s confused expression. “It’s really not,” she said, giggling. “I hate it, but your expression was priceless. I like going to the Hog’s Head actually.”

“Really?” Tobin looked surprised, but seemed to relax after hearing Christen didn’t actually like what she considered to be the pink personification of hell.

“Well, The Three Broomsticks is always so crowded, and I don’t really like crowds very much. Besides, the owner of the pub there owns a little Crup,” she smiled, remembering Aberforth’s old Crup that was always in the small pub, usually sleeping by the fire. “I like to bring him treats sometimes.”

“I’ve never been to the Hog’s Head,” Tobin commented.

“Really? You have to go!” Christen said. “Next time, I’ll-” she abruptly cut herself off. Did she almost ask Tobin out? She couldn’t do that, not after what happened last time. Tobin didn’t deserve that. “I mean, you should really go. Like, with Lauren or something.”

“Oh, um, I was actually thinking–”

_BUUURRRPPPP!_

Christen and Tobin both turned to the cauldron, alarmed. The cauldron had let out a large belch and the liquid inside had reduced in volume. It now resembled the colour of pickles.

Sighing in frustration, Christen grumpily tossed another slug into the cauldron.

_Bloody slugs._

 

* * *

  

_Just say Kelley has a note for you and give it to her. That’s all you have to do. It’s easy._

The interaction with Alex Morgan had weighed on her, and the task Kelley had set for her did not help her nerves. As soon as she entered the Charms class she headed straight to Morgan’s desk and sat next to her. Morgan looked up, surprised.

Avoiding her gaze, she quickly shoved her hand into the pocket of her robes before bringing out the note Kelley had given her.

“Here,” she said brusquely, thrusting the note into the other girl's face. “It’s from Kelley.”

_That didn't really go to plan._

Although startled, Morgan took the piece of parchment and opened it, reading the contents. She frowned a little, before her face cleared and she turned to Christen thanking her.

“You’re welcome, Morgan,” Christen replied. She had no idea what the contents said, but was too afraid to ask.

There was a pause, before Morgan spoke again.

“I wanted to apologise for my weird behaviour the other day,” said Morgan almost reluctantly. “I was just tired, and couldn’t focus.”

“That’s fine,” Christen accepted the apology easily, somewhat surprised. “We all get bad days.”

“You’re annoyingly nice, you know that?” Morgan said, somewhat reproachfully.

“I’ve been told that, yes,” Christen quipped, before realising what she said and snapping her mouth shut, eyes wide.

There was a silence, and then she heard a raspy chuckle and turned, shocked to see Morgan laughing.

“So you have got a little bit of backbone!” She said happily. “Merlin, Press, I thought you were an absolute doormat for a moment.”

“Um, thanks, Morgan.”

“You can call me Alex,” she said, smiling a little. “I think after six years of being classmates, we should try to be on a first name basis.”

“Okay, then… Alex. You can call me Christen. It’s only fair.”

“Well, Christen, I have a feeling we’re going to see a lot of each other this year.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You asked for preath and kellex and I gave you chrislex. Woops.
> 
> (Don't worry, there's no love triangles in this fic, I hate that trope, sorry)


	5. Expectations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Kelley plot. Tobin and Christen are partners again. Kelley and Christen disagree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your kudos and comments, means a lot :)
> 
> PLEASE BE AWARE: This story contains scenes dealing with anxiety, panic attacks and abuse. Please take caution if this will affect you in any way.
> 
> Enjoy.

Christen Press was no stranger to expectations.

Her early childhood was wrought with lessons on decorum and literacy, and by the time she’d arrived at Hogwarts she was able to speak French almost fluently. Her older sister Tyler, of course, could speak fluent French and Spanish and even a little bit of German before she had even arrived at Hogwarts and her parents never seemed to fail to remind her of that fact. There was a certain standard that every Press had to meet according to her father, and she was constantly aware that she was not up to that standard.

 

* * *

 

_Press Mansion, 11 years ago_

“Now, conjugate ‘avoir’, Christen.”

“Avoir: to have. J’ai, tu as, il/elle a, nous avons, vous avez, ils/elles…” Christen paused, unable to remember. “I-I do not remember, Madame. I am sorry.”

Her tutor, Madame Abily, sat across from her on the table in the living room. The light from the large windows streamed through and gave her blonde hair a golden glow, reminding Christen of an angel. She gave Christen a reassuring smile. “That is okay, Christen. You did very well. Très bien.”

“No, she did not.”

Christen felt a stroke of fear run through her body, and she looked up to see her father standing at the end of the stairwell with a dark look on his face, his hands clasped in front of him. She immediately looked down towards her hands, clasping them together and trying not to twist them in anxiety. Her father hated it when she fidgeted. He strode forward and came to a stop in front of where she was sitting in the living room with Madame Abily.

“She’s been learning this for weeks now, she should be able to remember it by now,” he said to Madame Abily, barely concealing his frustration.

“Learning a new language is hard, Mister Press, especially when you are still grasping the concepts of your first language,” Madame Abily said calmly. “Besides, Christen is only five years old.”

“Tyler understood the passé antérieur, imparfait and the plus-que parfait at her age!”

“That is certainly impressive,” Madame Abily admitted. “However, you cannot expect this out of every child, Mister Press. Christen is extremely capable, she understands the concepts immediately and knows in which context to use certain phrases in. She only has some trouble with memorisation.”

Her father glared at her tutor, but did not say anything else, and turned on his heel, disappearing down the hallway with a sweep of his emerald robes.

Christen stared at her hands sadly and interrupted the silence that followed in his wake. “I am sorry, Madame. I am not very smart.”

“Do not say this, petit canard. You are very smart, the smartest student I have ever taught.”

Christen looked up, hope filling her eyes. “Smarter than Tyler?”

Madame nodded, winking. “Absolument, ma chérie. Definitely smarter than Tyler.”

Christen smiled wide, the gaps in her teeth showing, and Madame Abily chuckled and handed her a caramel from the supply she always kept in her pocket. “Never let them tell you otherwise, Christen. We will continue this next week, practice conjugating the verbs ‘manger’, ‘écouter’ and ‘acheter’ until then.”

She stood up and waved her wand and Christen watched in fascination as all her books shrunk and entered her small black handbag.

“Au revoir, ma chérie!” She kissed Christen on each cheek and headed to the fireplace.

Christen bid her tutor goodbye as she stepped into the fireplace and vanished in a flash of flames. She sat back on the couch and opened her caramel, feeling happy, which was rare after a tutoring session. She couldn’t wait for her next lesson.

But as the next lesson came, Madame Abily was nowhere to be found. Instead, the cold and stern face of Madame Dubois was in her place, and unfortunately, she was not as forgiving as Madame Abily was. Their sessions seemed to drag on for hours, and Christen felt mentally and emotionally drained after every lesson. Her father sat watch in the corner of the room, and Christen could feel the burn of his stare the entire time.

She never saw Madame Abily again.

 

* * *

 

“O’Hara!”

Kelley looked up from her position against the wall in a small alcove on the sixth floor corridor. Alex was stalking purposefully towards her, an annoyed expression on her face, that didn’t match with the bright pink colour that was her hair. It was Kelley’s favourite.

“What’s up, Morgan?” She sauntered towards her, meeting the other girl halfway.

“What do you mean, what’s up?” the Slytherin said furiously. “What the hell is this?” She pointed aggressively to her head full of fuschia.

“Looks like pink hair to me,” Kelley said, grinning.

“When I got this note, I didn’t think it was going to kick-start a first-year level prank,” Alex said acidly. “Get this out! I can’t wash it out!”

“It’s a special remedy,” Kelley said smugly. “I only charmed it to last for 48 hours, Morgan, calm down. It only appeared this morning, right? So by Friday, it’ll be gone. I needed you here for a different reason anyway.”

“I know, it says it in the note. Why did you get Press to hand me that note anyway? You could’ve just told me yourself, without pranking me.”

“Would you have accepted it if I gave it to you?” Kelley countered.

Alex had to admit she had a point. “Never mind, why Press?”

“I’ve got to get her off the scent,” Kelley replied mysteriously. “Christen is really smart, she can smell a trick from a mile away, so I had to tell her this was something to do with a Halloween prank.”

“You did prank me,” Alex deadpanned, pointing to her hair.

“Well, I had to make the lie believable. Also, she told me about your interaction the other day, and she’s still seems scared of you, so I thought this task would get her to interact with you again. It worked, right?”

“You’re so– ugh, never mind – what in Morgana’s name is ‘Operation Preath’?” Alex asked, ignoring the question. She didn’t want to prove the other girl right by saying her and Christen were tentatively getting along now. She held up the note Kelley had given to her, which read; ‘ _Operation Preath. Sixth Floor alcove by the weird statue, 10am tomorrow. Be nice to Christen. Seriously. – Your One True Love.’_

“Something beautiful,” Kelley revealed, grinning. “Or well, it will be beautiful when my master plan works.”

“What plan?” Alex asked, wary.

“Operation Preath: a plan to bring two of the most oblivious and stubborn people we know together.”

Alex stared at her, not comprehending.

“Tobin and Christen, of course!”

Realisation came over the Slytherin Chaser, and she gaped at the other girl. “Tobin and Christen?” she asked, hesitantly. “What do you mean?”

“They like each other!” Kelley exclaimed, impatient with Alex’s inability to grasp the concept. “So, obviously, they need to be girlfriends, and we’re going to help them with that.”

A moment passed where Alex processed the information. If Kelley was trying to get Christen and Tobin together, that meant that she wasn’t with Christen… right?

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” she asked.

“Why wouldn’t I be? Christen’s my best friend!”

“So you’re not…” she trailed off, not wanting finish sentence.

“Not what?” Kelley asked, now confused as well. “Wait. Did you think Press and I were together?”

“What? No!” Alex replied, flushing.

Kelley grinned widely, looking extremely pleased. “You were jealous, weren’t you, Morgan?”

“No, why would I be? That would be ridiculous!” Alex replied, but her face gave her away. “Anyway,” she hurried on, desperate to change the subject. “Why the hell is this called ‘preath’?”

Kelley saw the deflection from a mile away but chose not to comment, too entertained by the possibility of Alex being jealous. She would definitely be revisiting that interesting piece of information later. “Because it’s their names! Heath and Press equals ‘Preath’!”

“That’s a terrible name.”

“I’d like to see you come up with a better one.”

“You know what – never mind, this is stupid! Why are you trying to get our friends together?”

“Because they’re perfect for each other!”

“How?”

“Um, well… They both like Quidditch.”

“With that logic, that could mean you and I should be together,” Alex deadpanned, before realising what she said and feeling the blood drain from her face.

“Well, why would that be such a bad idea?” Kelley grinned, leaning forward.

“Ugh, it was just an example, O’Hara,” Alex grumbled, her face reddening once more. “Don’t get excited, I wouldn’t be caught dead with you.”

“Just you wait, Morgan, you’ll fall in love with me soon enough,” Kelley replied with bravado, trying to ignore the part of her that felt crushed at the other girl’s words.

Alex let out an annoyed groan. “In your dreams, O’Hara. Anyway, I’m not participating in this weird experiment of yours, O’Hara. Meddling in other people’s lives never ends well.”

Turning around, she started walking out of the alcove.

“Wait!”

Alex turned around, barely repressing a sigh.

“Look, Christen has been through a lot this past summer. I don’t even know all of it, but she had this really bad experience when she was away in France, and I can’t really tell you about it, but I just want her to be happy. You know Tobin better than I do; she’d be great for her wouldn’t she? I really think they would be good for each other," Kelley said sincerely.

Alex didn't want to admit it, but Kelley was right. Now that she thought about it, they really did seem compatible together, and Tobin definitely seemed head over heels for the other girl. She hadn’t really paid attention to Christen around Tobin before, but if Kelley was convinced she liked her, she was probably right.

“If I help you,” she began, and Kelley’s eyes lit up in excitement. “ _If_ I help you, what would I get out of this?”

“Time with yours truly.”

Alex gave her an unimpressed look.

“I’ll also help you with the National Team. I know you really want to get into the team in time for the World Cup next year, and well, you know that I’m already part of the Irish one.”

“I’m practically guaranteed for the National Team, O’Hara.”

“But you haven’t gotten the letter yet, haven’t you? You’re not a regular. You still need to train certain parts, Alex. You’re incredible offensively, but you’re a terrible defender. You know I can help with that.”

Alex glared at her, but she knew she was right to a degree. Pondering her options for a moment, she finally nodded her head. “Fine. We train twice a week. But the minute this gets weird, I’m out. If they find out what we’re doing, I’m out. If any of them gets hurt–”

“I know, I know. You’re out. It’s a deal. But wow, Morgan, I never knew you cared about Press.”

“Shut up, O’Hara. Tobin is my friend. I don’t care about Press, she’s just so… nice,” Alex said, with only a slight touch of bitterness.

“I know, right? She’s even better when you get to know her.”

Alex struggled not to roll her eyes.

“I’m sure. So, what’s the plan?”

“Okay, so in D.A.D.A…”

 

* * *

 

The next day, on a rainy Thursday morning, the sixth years piled into the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. Christen was nervous because today she was pretty sure they’d be moving into the practical side of things. This was where she was weakest.

 _“I expect you to get straight O’s this year, Christen,”_ she remembered her father saying. _“Do not disappoint me. Especially after that… incident in France, if you embarrass us again, there will be consequences.”_

While her parents had extremely high expectations of her, Christen’s own expectations of herself and her conduct were probably worse. She’d always pushed herself to the highest she could go.

She supposed that her own expectations of herself were probably her biggest flaw. Defense Against the Dark Arts was her worst subject and she’d only just managing to scrape an Exceeds Expectations in her O.W.L. It was mainly due to the fact that the pressure she’d put on herself had overwhelmed her and caused her to panic during the practical part of the exam. She’d not even managed to conjure up a Stunning Spell, and had only passed because she’d gotten full marks in the theory portion of the exam.

She hated expectations.

Breathing deeply, she took her seat next to Kelley as Harvey began the lesson. “So, nonverbal spells. Has anyone attempted a nonverbal spell before?”

There was silence in the class. Harvey looked severely unimpressed, but Christen was pretty sure that was her natural expression regardless.

“All of you have one way or another. It is partly how you discover your magic. Does anyone remember when they made something move without meaning to when they were younger? Perhaps something odd had happened? A change in hair colour, a sudden location change?”

There were murmurs of assent as the students remembered their first instances of magic.

Harvey nodded and continued, “Untrained wizards and witches will be able to cast magic non-verbally; however, it is uncontrolled and dangerous. With nonverbal spells, the intention is to control the stream of magic. What is the advantage? Yes, Miss Krieger?”

“Your opponent doesn’t know what spell you’re going to use against them, so you have the advantage of surprise.”

“Excellent, ten points to Hufflepuff. Split into pairs, we will begin. Only minor jinxes please, and remember  _do not speak_. I expect to only hear the sweet sound of silence.”

Harvey waved her wand, and the tables and chairs disappeared and a large mat covered the room. The sixth years began to bustle towards each other, grabbing their closest friend to practice their spells on. She turned to Kelley, but found she’d disappeared and eventually saw her pestering Alex Morgan in the corner of the room, who to her surprise, was sporting bright pink hair. It was probably to do with Kelley’s Halloween prank. That was oddly mild for her standards, Christen thought with a frown. Rolling her eyes and trying not to feel hurt at being abandoned so quickly, she looked towards Ali Krieger, one of the Hufflepuff Beaters, but predictably, she was already paired with Ashlyn Harris. Panic began to settle in, and she started breathing a little quicker, when a hand touched her arm and she jumped at the contact, immediately taking a few steps back.

“Oh, sorry!” Tobin murmured sheepishly, quickly withdrawing her hand. “I didn’t mean to scare you; I just thought maybe you’d want to be partners? Usually I’m with A-Rod or Cheney, but they’ve both abandoned me today.” She chuckled, looking at Christen nervously.

Christen stared at her.

Tobin saw her look and flushed, mumbling, “It’s okay, you don’t have to if you don’t want to, I just thought, you know usually you’re with Kelley, but she’s with Alex so I thought you might need a partner, but if you already have one, that’s cool… um, I’ll just go now.”

She began to back away, and Christen panicked, “Wait!” She yelled, a little louder than necessary. She looked around, but luckily everyone was so busy trying to find a partner that they hadn’t noticed her shout. “I don’t have a partner yet.”

Tobin looked back up her and brightened. “Really?”

“Yeah, it’d be great to be your partner; I mean, we already are in Potions aren’t we? Why stop the pattern?” Christen laughed, trying to calm down her nerves.

A strange look overcame Tobin’s features, but she nodded, “Um, yeah, Potions, that’s why I asked you. ‘Cause we already work so well together. That’s the reason.”

Christen grinned and stepped back into a duelling pose. “You go first, and I’ll try to block you.”

Tobin nodded and mimicked her stance, brandishing her wand. Christen took a deep breath and prepared herself as she saw Tobin readying to jinx her. There was a  _swish_ of her wand, and Tobin practically leapt in the air as she aimed her wand at the Ravenclaw. Christen leaned forward in anticipation. Nothing happened.

Christen tilted her head, amused at the lack of inaction considering the enthusiasm Tobin had mustered, but didn’t say anything. Nonverbal spells were notoriously hard, and Christen couldn’t judge, she was terrible at Defence Against the Dark Arts.

Ten minutes later, Tobin was beginning to turn purple as she frantically waved her wand at Christen, who was beginning to worry about her air supply. They swapped, but Christen had similar luck. Defence was her weakest subject, but she still hated failing of any kind, and quickly became frustrated.

 _Impedimenta!_ She thought forcefully, flicking her wand in Tobin’s direction. Tobin stood there, unaffected. Trying not to growl, she repeatedly tried to cast a spell without uttering a word, but she was having very little luck. She saw Tobin smiling slightly across from her, and this didn’t help her frustration.

Just as she was about to give up, there was a bright silver flash on the other side of the room. She turned to see Kelley whooping and jumping into the air as Alex fell to her knees, laughing uncontrollably.

“Good work, O’Hara. Twenty points to Ravenclaw,” Harvey called out from the other side of the room before preventing Meghan Klingenberg from crashing into Morgan Brian in her eagerness to cast a jinx.

“Get – this – spell – off – me – O’Hara!” Alex gasped out between laughs, as Kelley guffawed loudly at her, before she waved her wand, muttering the counter-jinx.

“I’m going to remember this day forever, Morgan,” she grinned widely. “The ice cold Slytherin queen of DADA brought to her knees by humble Irish girl, yours truly. Thank you everyone, I’m here all day.” She started bowing to the rest of the class, as Alex slowly began to stand, brushing back her bubble-gum pink coloured hair from her face as she recovered from the Tickling Charm. How in Merlin’s name did she make that hair colour work?

“You just wait, O’Hara, I will get you back for this,” she glared. “You’re so irritating!”

“It’s part of my charm.”

Alex let out a strangled huff and brandished her wand. “My turn, O’Hara. Prepare yourself.”

“Kinky.”

“Ugh, you’re insufferable!”

Christen heard a laugh to her right and turned back to see Tobin chuckling. “They’re quite a pair, aren’t they?” she said to Christen when she noticed her looking.

“Yeah, I wonder when they’ll realise–”

“–that they’re crazy about each other?”

Christen gawked at the other girl. “You saw it too?”

“I mean, it’s pretty obvious, Kelley’s obsessed with her… and Alex tolerates her.”

“That’s true love,” Christen observed wryly.

“Alex tolerates no one, so it’s a pretty big deal.”

“You seem like you know her well,” Christen noticed, trying not to feel jealous.

“Oh yeah, we’ve known each other from the youth national team and the national team. I used to train with her sometimes too separately; she’s pretty nice once you get through that prickly exterior.”

Christen found that hard to believe. Alex Morgan did have a reputation for being the Ice Queen of the school, and while she seemed civil to Christen in the past few Charms lessons, something still felt off to her, like she was holding her at arm’s length.

“Alright, you ready to try again?” Tobin asked. “I think I might have it this time.”

Christen doubted that but she raised her wand nonetheless, and watched Tobin struggle to not mutter the incantation, trying desperately not to laugh.

 _She looks really cute when she’s frustrated,_ she thought, before freezing and stopping her thought track immediately.  _Stop that, Christen. Don’t even think about trying to ask her out again. Besides, what are the chances that Tobin Heath would like you back?_

Ignoring her wayward thoughts, she concentrated back on Tobin and the jinx that seemed unlikely to ever come. How long did DADA lessons go for again?

“It’s all about intention, Miss Heath. You have to really mean it. Look at Miss Press with the intention to fight and cast your spell strongly in your mind. Try it now,” Harvey had swooped in, observing their sub-par attempts, with barely repressed disdain.

Tobin raised her wand again obediently and looked towards Christen with a new sense of determination. Maybe this was it. She waited… and nothing happened.

Tobin let out a groan and looked uncharacteristically agitated at her failure.

“Not all wizards and witches are able to master the art of nonverbal magic, Miss Heath. Do not worry; we will continue this again next class. Until then, I expect ten inches on the advantages and disadvantages of nonverbal magic. Class dismissed.”

 

* * *

 

“Hey, hey Christen!”

Christen turned around as she walked from the classroom with Kelley, who was dramatically regaling her tale about her defeat of the great Alex Morgan, to find Tobin running up behind them.

“Hi, Tobin.”

“Hey, um, what are you doing on Sunday?”

Christen went still, and looked at Kelley from the corner of her eye. “Um, I think Kelley and I were going to –”

“Do nothing! Because you know, us Ravenclaws, no social lives,” Kelley interrupted her quickly, and Christen stared at her, confused. They always went to the lake on Sundays and read or played muggle board games, so she wondered why Kelley had suddenly seemingly forgotten. She had written it down in her planner every week for the next few months. She opened her mouth to remind her but was quickly jabbed in the ribs, and she choked on air, even more bemused. “She’s absolutely free, Tobin, no schedule for this one. Oh look, is that Rapinoe? I’ve got to talk to her about something, bye!” She ran off towards Rapinoe, startling the Gryffindor Chaser as she walked down the corridor.

How odd. Christen turned back to Tobin. “Sorry about Kelley, she’s really weird sometimes that even I can’t figure her out, and I’ve known her for years.”

“That’s okay,” Tobin grinned. “She was right, though? You are free Sunday?”

“Well, I guess so,” Christen replied. If Kelley had forgotten about Sunday, then knowing her, she’d probably already planned something else.

“Great! Do you, um, maybe want to meet up?” Tobin asked, looking unusually nervous.

“For a tutoring session?” Christen questioned. They hadn’t had one in a while because of Quidditch, but it made sense. She suddenly felt so horrible for neglecting her tutoring duties so much so that Tobin had to ask her for one, that she readily agreed. “Yeah, sure! We have to start that assignment on Potions anyway, so this could be good opportunity to get a head start on it.”

“Oh. Tutoring,” Tobin replied slowly. Was it just her imagination or did Tobin look disappointed? She’d thought their tutoring sessions were going well, that maybe they’d even start to become friends. Perhaps Tobin didn’t feel the same way, and she felt more hurt by this thought than she should have. “That sounds great.”

“Great,” Christen said, equally as slowly. This was by far, the weirdest interaction she’d had with Tobin, and that was saying something. “I’ll see you at 1 pm in the library on Sunday then?”

A strange, almost defeated look came over Tobin’s face, but she nodded. “I look forward to it,” she said and turned around to walk away quickly, waving weakly at Christen. Christen watched as she joined her fellow Chasers, Lauren and Amy, and muttered something to them. They quickly huddled around her, rubbing her back soothingly. Amy turned around to give Christen a scathing look, but Lauren looked at her sympathetically, which was even more baffling. Looking to the side, she also saw Alex standing by the wall, looking at her with an unreadable expression, before she turned and started walking away.

 

* * *

 

“So, what happened?”

“Why are we in a broom cupboard?”

“Stop stalling, Morgan, what happened?”

“I’m not sure, but Tobin didn’t look entirely happy when she left.”

“How are you not sure? You were supposed to be listening!”

“I didn’t realise this plan involved espionage, O’Hara. I couldn’t listen in without standing right next to them!”

“Are you a witch or not? You could’ve just used a spell!”

“Why didn’t you do it then if you’re so smart?”

“Because I already said I was going to talk to– okay, look, Phase One of Operation Preath–”

“Please stop calling it that.”

“ –admittedly could’ve gone better, but I digress. Just walk me through what you saw.”

“Tobin and Christen talked, the conversation seemed painfully awkward as usual and only lasted a few minutes before Tobin turned away, looking like a dejected puppy.”

“And Christen?”

“She looked confused.”

“Confused? Why would she be confused?”

“I don’t know Kelley! Look, when I agreed to this, I thought the plan would’ve involved more than just abandoning Christen in D.A.D.A. so they’d be partners.”

“I thought it would spark something! I encouraged Tobin to be her partner, didn’t I? And it almost worked! Tobin was definitely going to ask her out!”

“Well, if so, I don’t think it worked out too well for her.”

“But Christen likes her! Why would she say no?”

“Isn’t that the question of the hour?”

“We have to figure out what to do now. I have to ask Christen what's going through that head of hers.”

“…can you please let me out of the broom cupboard?”

 

* * *

 

After her last class of the day, Christen slowly made her way back to the Ravenclaw Tower, exhausted from her long day and still confused by the odd interaction she shared with Tobin. She just wanted to go into her dormitory and sleep, this was too much to think about for now. When she entered the girl’s dormitory however, she was nearly pounced on by Kelley.

“So? What did Tobin say?” she asked excitedly, practically vibrating from her spot on the bed she’d dragged Christen onto.

“This morning? She just asked if we could have another tutoring session,” Christen answered, tiredly tossing her bag onto her bed from her position. Why was everyone being so odd today?

“What? Is that all?”

“Yes, why?”

“She didn’t ask you for anything else? Just for a tutoring session?”

“Yes. What else would she ask me?” Christen was beginning to get frustrated. It felt like everyone else knew something that she didn’t, and she hated not being in the know.

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe to take a walk around the Lake, have dinner with her? She was trying to ask you out!” Kelley almost yelled.

“What? No, she wasn’t!”

“Yes, she was, Press. What did she say exactly?"

"She asked me if I was free Sunday, and when you said I was - that was really weird by the way, what happened to Lake Sundays? - she asked if I wanted to meet up."

"What did you say?" Kelley demanded, looking oddly distressed.

"I asked if it was for a tutoring session and agreed."

"Oh, for the love of Merlin's saggy left-"

"Kelley!"

"Press! She likes you! How can you not see that?”

“No, she doesn’t, Kell, you’re being delusional,” Christen refused.

“Merlin’s pants, Christen! You’re delusional! That girl has liked you for the past year! Probably more!”

“Kell, stop it.” This had to be some sort of cruel trick.

“She always looks at you, and you look at her, it’s like some tragic Shakespeare play except not, because you’re clearly in love with each other–”

“Kelley, I mean it.”

“–and there’s absolutely no reason as to why you can’t give it a shot!”

“Kelley O'Hara!” Christen roared, standing up from the bed. “Stop it!”

Kelley fell abruptly silent, staring with wide eyes at Christen, who looked on the verge of tears.

“Christen, I’m sorry,” she backtracked quickly.

“No, you’re not. You keep trying to push this on me, when I’ve told you why I can’t do this again! And telling me that Tobin likes me back? That’s a really cruel kind of prank. Even for you, O’Hara,” she spat bitingly.

“Chris, look –”

“Don’t call me that!”

“Wait, I’m sorry, just listen–”

“No, you listen!” Christen said shrilly, tears falling. She furiously wiped her eyes, looking distraught. Kelley looked shocked; she’d never seen Christen this upset before. “I’ve been fine, liking her in quiet for all these years. I don’t know why you’ve suddenly decided to target me for this, but it’s cruel and uncalled for. I haven’t hurt anyone, and I’m fine just liking her without her knowing, okay?”

“What’s the harm in telling her?” Kelley tried to ask softly. “You can’t expect–”

“Expect? Expect? Everyone always expects something from me! My teachers expect perfect grades! My parents expect me to not get into any trouble! You expect me to find a girlfriend immediately after my last one fell to pieces! Everyone’s got expectations! Arielle expected–”

She fell abruptly silent, catching herself. She closed her eyes, trying to force out the bad memories. She took several sharp breaths, trying to stop her trembling hands. “Please. I don’t want to it all over again. You know what happened last time.”

“Actually, I don’t. You never fully explained it,” Kelley countered bravely. She didn’t realise how badly that relationship had affected Christen, and was beginning to think there was a lot more to it that she didn’t know.

Christen opened her eyes and stared at her, and Kelley recoiled at the lack of emotion in her eyes. “Maybe it’s because you don’t deserve to know.”

With a quick  _swish_ of her wand, she gathered her things, deliberately not looking at Kelley.

“Wait, Christen, please–”

“I can’t be around you right now. Please don’t follow me.”

And she walked out the door, closing it behind her with a soft  _click._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was dramatic.


	6. Intimidation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christen finds a strange room and returns home for Christmas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I've had this written for weeks, but just hated it, but hey it's Christmas so here's another chapter. Excuse the quality.
> 
> Thank you for all your kudos and comments on the last chapter!
> 
> PLEASE BE AWARE: This story contains scenes dealing with anxiety, panic attacks and abuse. This chapter in particular has scenes involving anxiety and notions of familial abuse. Please take caution if this will affect you in any way.
> 
> Enjoy :)

Christen Press was not an intimidating person.

Everyone who knew her could attest to this – Christen Press would not even hurt a fly. There was not a violent bone in her body. When her childhood lessons were centred on assertiveness and intimidation, Christen’s mind often wandered to the garden outside and how many flower crowns she could make with the plants before her mother noticed.

She was no stranger to intimidation, however. People constantly tried to intimidate her or coerce her into doing something; her father, her sister, other students, teachers and even Kelley sometimes. She hated the fact that she wasn’t able to stand up to them, and couldn’t muster up the right thing to say at the right time. It was a constant battle, and often she’d excuse herself from confrontations or just give in to the other person just to get away from it.

After the fight with Kelley in the Ravenclaw girl’s dormitory, Christen wandered around the seventh floor, expertly avoiding the Prefects on duty. As a Prefect herself, she knew the patrol route down to the minute and who was patrolling that night. Carraway and Baker were probably making out in a closet somewhere instead of patrolling anyway.

She was shakily wiping away stray tears trying not to think of the fight she’d just had with Kelley. They’d never fought before, and this whole experience was so new to Christen. _I just want somewhere to be safe,_ she thought repeatedly as she walked down the corridor. _Not even Hogwarts feels safe anymore._

To her surprise, the wall where she was walking suddenly started moving and changing and before she knew it, there was a door in front of her. Without thinking too much about it, she pulled open the handle and stepped inside.

Inside was a room she had never seen before, with low hanging soft lights and candles strewn across the room. Looking around, she saw a wall of books on one side and couches with soft cushions and bean bags placed around a warm fire. Christen tentatively stepped forward.

“Hello?”

Only the slight crackling of the fire interrupted the silence that followed.

Cautiously, she slowly made her way to the couches and sat down, looking around. The walls were bare, and she found herself wishing that she had something to read. To her surprise, no sooner than the thought crossed her mind, large shelves filled with books began to appear out of the wall.

“What is this place?” Christen muttered to herself as she made her way to the shelves, running her hand along the spines. She half expected the room to give her an answer, but only more silence greeted her question. Oddly, she didn’t mind it. She had always preferred silence.

Picking a book from the shelf, she returned to the couch and sat down. She doubted the room would harm her; something about it made her feel comfortable and warm. At least here she wouldn’t be bothered by the outside world, if only for a few hours.

 

* * *

 

 

Over the next few weeks, Christen managed to avoid Kelley quite well, which was an extraordinary feat considering they shared the same dorm and most of their classes. Fortunately, Christen knew Kelley’s schedule so well that she knew exactly how to avoid her. Her frequent trips to the strange hidden room also helped in her mission to avoid Kelley. Sure, it was immature, but she didn’t really want to deal with Kelley.

While the issue with Kelley was still at a high, Tobin and Christen had somehow reverted back to their initial awkwardness in their interactions. Her tutoring sessions with Tobin continued, although there was an odd tension and strain that had never been present before. Tobin was becoming more and more reserved in every lesson and tutoring session. She was endlessly confused by this development, and wondered why Tobin was suddenly so cold to her.

She’d even stopped being her partner in Defense Against the Dark Arts, forcing her to pair up with Julie Johnston, who was actually one of her friends, but had an unfortunate tendency to go a little far in her attacks. Christen often left the class feeling sorer than she had when she entered.

She wanted to talk to Tobin, but she wasn’t sure what to say. She didn’t even know why Tobin had suddenly retreated from Christen in the first place. She thought they were beginning to be friends.

“So, if the potion then turns blue at the addition of the porcupine quill that means?” Christen prompted Tobin in another one of their tutoring sessions.

“Um…” Tobin stalled, looking a little lost. “That the potion is positively reactive to porcupine quills, and thus toxic?”

“Actually, it’s the opposite,” Christen said gently. “If it was a positive reaction, it would turn red.”

“Oh, that makes sense,” Tobin said, nodding, but avoiding Christen’s gaze.

An awkward silence fell, and Christen shuffled her parchment in front of her nervously. “Um, Tobin, look…”

“Well, I think we’ve covered enough for today,” Tobin said quickly. Abruptly, she stood up and gathered her things.

“Tobin, wait–”

But Tobin had already walked out of the library.

Sighing, Christen waved her wand, gathering her books, and left the library.

 

* * *

 

On one of the last days before the Christmas break, Christen found herself once again heading to the hidden room on the seventh floor. Pacing quickly in front of the entrance, the doors appeared and she hurriedly entered, smiling automatically at the warm feeling the room always enticed in her. This time however, something was different. Instead of the usual comforting soft blue and bronze décor that surrounded the room, it was replaced with rich mahogany furniture and elicited a warm golden hue. Everything was still in place, right up to the book shelves, bean bags and couches.

And on one of those couches, holding a book in her lap and staring at her with muted surprise; was Alex Morgan.

They stared at each other in shock for a moment where Christen took in the fact that Alex was wearing silver pyjamas with small green snakes on them. She stood out like a sore thumb in the room.

“I’m sorry-”

“What are you-”

They both spoke at the same time, and abruptly stopped.

“You go first,” Christen said quickly.

“What are you doing here?” Alex asked, though not unkindly.

“I don’t know,” Christen replied. “I-I mean, I’ve been coming here ever since Kelley and I had a fight… I just needed a place to think. I think I’ll just go, I didn’t realise this was your room.”

Alex’s face seemed to soften a little, and she stopped Christen before she could turn around. “No, don’t. It isn’t my room,” she said as she gestured for Christen to come sit next to her.

“This is the Room of Requirement,” she said once Christen gingerly sat herself down a good distance away from her. “It basically can transform into a room with anything you need.”

“Oh,” Christen said. That made a lot of sense. “That’s… convenient.”

Although they were nice to each other in Charms, Christen and Alex weren’t really friends. The friendliness they showed to each other felt as though it was more out of a sense of obligation that came with having mutual friends. She also suspected Kelley had something to do with Alex’s sudden acceptance of her.

There was a silence as they both contemplated what to say.

“Are-are you okay?” Alex asked, almost tentatively.

“Yes,” Christen said, unconvincingly, causing Alex to raise an eyebrow. Something in her expression made Christen want to confide in her. “I just, I had a fight with Kelley a few weeks ago.”

The other eyebrow joined the first as Alex looked at her. “I know, we never fight,” Christen said when she saw the look.

“No, I knew you had a fight. You two are inseparable so it’s pretty obvious to everyone when you’re not getting along.”

“Oh. Well, you’re right. We get along so well, and we hardly disagree about anything major. This was different though,” Christen said, looking at the fireplace.

“Was it about Tobin?”

Christen looked up at her in surprise.

“It’s pretty obvious, Christen. You two stare at each other constantly; it’s a miracle I can keep my breakfast down during Potions.”

Christen blushed to the tips of her ears and looked away. “It’s not like that, we’re just friends. Tobin is just a friend.” Even to her ears it didn’t sound right.

Alex let out a scoff and rolled her eyes. “I don’t think you even believe that, Press.”

Christen tried to glare at her, but failed.

“What’s stopping you?” Alex asked, her blue eyes piercing.

“I-I can’t really talk about it. My parents…” she trailed off, not wanting to delve into the subject. That was one of the reasons stopping her sure, but the other was a lot worse.

Alex stared at her for a moment, but didn’t push. She supposed they didn’t really know each other well enough for that. There was a small silence as Christen contemplated whether it would be rude to just leave then and there before Alex opened her mouth to speak.

“You know, I was jealous of you,” she announced.

“What?” Christen said, surprised.

“Yeah,” Alex said, nodding. “You came from such a rich, pureblood family, and your parents seemed so attentive and caring, and you had two sisters. You seemed like you just got everything or everyone you want.”

Christen stared at her wide eyed. Alex’s perception of her was so misconstrued, yet she thought the exact same of her.

“Maybe it’s not really like that in real life,” Alex said. “But to me, it looked like it. It seemed like the perfect family picture. Supporting, loving… whole.”

There was a pause, where Alex seemed to gather the courage to say something.

“I come here sometimes,” she began softly, looking across the room at a painting of a child with a blue balloon on the wall. _When did that get there?_ Christen wondered. “It helps me think and calm down, and just get... away.”

She looked tired and a sad. Christen had never seen her not look put together. She was always so pristine, with perfect hair and makeup, and with an air of confidence that made her seem older than her age. Right now, her face was bare and she sat cross-legged on the couch in her soft cotton pyjamas, making her look like the normal teenager she actually was.

“It just gets a bit much,” Alex continued, still staring at the painting. “The schoolwork, the Quidditch, the fans, my friends,” she scoffed looking away. “If you could even call them that.”

Christen stayed silent, not sure if she should say anything.

“Sometimes I just wish it didn’t exist, you know?” Alex said nostalgically, looking at Christen, but her eyes seemed vacant, as though she didn’t realise she was there. “I wish I could just go back to living with my mum in our little Muggle neighbourhood where nobody cared what I ate, or did or thought, every single second of my life.”

Christen looked at the other girl in surprise. “I’m a half-blood,” Alex said, in response to her look. “My dad was never around when I was growing up, and my mum didn’t know about him, so I was raised as a Muggle. Imagine my surprise when a freaking bird dropped by my window and dumped a letter into my hands.”

“I didn’t know,” Christen said softly.

“No one does,” Alex said bitterly. “I don’t advertise it. That’s not something Slytherins particularly like to know about their own. You shouldn’t be anything less than _pure_.”

Christen nodded, her own family were all Slytherins except for her, and she’d grown up with that prejudice forced down her throat.

“Once I got my letter, my father came storming back into my life. Guess he only wanted something to do with me once he knew I was magic. Ever since then, he’s showered me with money and gifts and told me exactly how I should act, what position I should play in Quidditch, which house I should be put in. Oh, the Sorting Hat knew immediately I should be in Slytherin,” she said quickly, at Christen’s surprised expression.

“There was no need to trick it into that. I have all the qualities of a Slytherin,” she said the name of her house with contempt. Vaguely, Christen noticed that barring Alex’s pajamas, there was no green or silver in the room. “My father was so pleased; he even trained me to get onto the Quidditch team in second year.”

“I love Quidditch,” she continued, smiling a little. “It’s just, sometimes, I feel like I’m living out my father’s dream instead of my own. He really wants me to be on the national team, sometimes even more than I want to.”

“I-I know how you feel,” Christen said after a moment. Alex looked up at her with surprise. “My father has a lot of expectations of me as well. Sometimes I don’t think he sees me as his daughter, really. I think I’m more of a tool to him.”

She blinked rapidly and looked down at her hands. “A rusty tool that needs some serious shining. I think that’s why I try so hard, I still want to impress him, to make him see that I’m worthy.” She smiled ruefully at the other girl.

Alex’s eyes seemed a little shiny as she looked at Christen. “We’re both a little messed up, aren’t we?

Christen let out a watery chuckle. “Yeah,” she agreed. “I suppose we are.”

“Sometimes, I feel like a puppet. His puppet that he can control. I don’t want to be like that.” She looked more vulnerable than Christen had ever seen her.

“You’re Alex Morgan,” Christen said softly. “No one can control you.”

Alex gave a distant smile and stared into the crackling fire. “Maybe so.”

A dark look passed her eyes, and Christen felt nervous all of the sudden before it passed, and her eyes were a clear blue again. There was something heavy to her words that Christen couldn’t identify, but Alex didn’t seem to want to elaborate. They sat together in the room, listening to the fire burn and crackle, filling the silence that had enveloped between them.

 

* * *

 

A few days after her talk with Alex, the Christmas break fell upon the Hogwarts students. Of course, she was required to go home and celebrate Christmas with her family, an occasion she dreaded every year. She managed to get on the train without getting the attention of Kelley, while receiving an awkward nod from Tobin when she got off at King’s Cross and a half-smile from Alex as she greeted what Christen assumed to be her mother. Turning her attention away from the reunion, she prepared to meet her parents as they began their yearly charade of pretending that their family wasn’t dysfunctional at social gatherings. The event of the year was always held at Christmas, and was known as the Pure-Blood Yuletide Ball.

It was in the grand ballroom of the Zabini Mansion that Christen found herself standing in on Christmas Eve, twirling the glass of champagne idly in her hand as she watched Tyler gracefully swirl across the room in the arms of her husband, Marcus Nott. She was always the centre of attention, Christen pondered ruefully. It was good though, it brought the attention away from Christen herself. She was so focussed on the dancers that she didn’t notice someone coming up to stand beside her until they spoke, startling her.

“Press.”

Christen looked towards the sound of the voice, and felt a sense of dread overcome her as she laid eyes on Beatrice Nott. Nott surveyed her critically with her piercing eyes, and then turned her attention back to the dancers.

“Enjoying the ball?” she drawled, not sounding as though she cared either way.

“Y-yes,” Christen lied, looking towards the dancers as well.

“Don’t lie, Press, it’s unbecoming,” the other girl said smoothly. “I’ve noticed you becoming chummy with Morgan recently. Are you friends, now?”

“N-no, I mean, maybe,” Christen muttered, hating herself for stuttering. She wasn’t sure what you would call Alex and her. Are you friends with someone you had barely spoken to, before bonding over less-than-stellar fathers in an abandoned room one random night?

“You really think so? Morgan would never want to be friends with someone like you, Press. Especially after what you did to that girl. Does O’Hara know about it?”

Christen’s silence gave her away. Nott smiled wider and stalked closer.

“You haven’t told her? Makes sense, considering her… pedigree,” she said the last word with distaste. “How you can associate with someone like that is beyond me. No wonder your family is so degenerate.”

Christen felt anger flare up inside of her and looked up at the other girl for the first time. “Don’t talk about Kelley like that.”

Zabini smirked at her, raising her eyebrow. “You know, Press, I almost didn’t believe it when I heard the story. I thought, ‘there’s no way little Princess Pressy could’ve done this’, but maybe there’s a little fire in you after all…”

“How do you even know about it?” Christen asked, upset.

“I have my ways,” Nott said mysteriously. “The Pure-Blood community is very tight knit, Press. This couldn’t stay quiet forever.”

Christen tried not to break the champagne flute in her hand. “Don’t worry, Press,” the Slytherin girl continued. “No one else knows. Yet.”

“What do you want, Nott?” Christen ground out.

“Well, Press, you’ve just recently joined a new team, haven’t you? Next game, you verse Hufflepuff.”

It wasn’t a question, but Christen still nodded warily.

Nott stared out at the ballroom, taking a sip of her champagne nonchalantly. “I want you to incapacitate one of the players.”

“No!” Christen immediately exclaimed. “Why would I do that?”

“Well, if you don’t, maybe I could let slip what you did to that poor little French Muggle to Charlotte Brown when we return after the break. Dear Charlotte does have the tendency to let her mouth run… What would O’Hara think about her best friend then? Better yet, what would a certain Hufflepuff Chaser think?”

Christen felt her insides freeze, and her hands started to shake. She closed her eyes, trying to repress the memories and control her breathing, clenching her hand around the champagne flute with an iron grip. “Why are you doing this? Why me?”

“Let’s just say I’m repaying a debt, and you’re going to help me do it,” she said silkily. “Why you? Well, I just don’t like you, Press, simple as that.”

“Who do you owe?” Christen said shakily.

“Come now, Press, do you really think I’d tell you? Now, are you going to do this or am I going to have to tell your dear little friends about your _adventure_ over the summer?”

She couldn’t let what had happened last summer come out to the school. It would ruin her family’s reputation, and Kelley would never speak to her again. Neither would Tobin. No one would. She could see no other option.

“Okay,” she said softly, hating herself for giving in so quickly.

“Excellent,” Nott smiled her victory. “It’s a simple task, really, I don’t know why you were so upset about it.”

“Who is it?” Christen asked, closing her eyes.

Nott looked at her out of the corner of her eyes and gave a sly smile. “Tobin Heath.”

 

* * *

 

On Christmas Day, Christen woke up at 6.30 a.m. as per usual and began her morning routine. Her parents wouldn’t be up for another half an hour, she knew, so this was the perfect time to be alone and think about the night before. Nott had given her explicit instructions on what to do during the next game that she played against Hufflepuff, but she could hardly bring herself to even imagine it. How could she harm someone intentionally, especially Tobin? And why did Nott want to target Tobin?

There had to be a way around this. Option one was of course to not adhere to Nott’s instructions and let her spread what she knew about Christen’s summer to the rest of the school. Obviously, that was not an option. Option two would be to tell someone about the fact that she was being threatened, but what good would that do? She’d have to explain what Nott had against her to them, and considering she could barely even think about the incident let alone talk about it, that wasn’t an option either. Option three would be to actually go through with the instructions, and although it pained her, that was looking like the most likely of options. She sat in her bed with her head in her hands, trying not to panic as she went through the possibilities.

Nott had said something interesting though. She owed a debt to someone, and that was why she had gotten Christen to do this. Who was it? Who would have such a vendetta against Tobin Heath that they wanted her injured? As far as she knew, Tobin didn’t have any enemies in the school; she was friendly to anyone she met and only seemed to care about Quidditch and the national team.

_The national team._

Christen sat up, realisation taking hold. Tobin was a part of the national team, and had been lauded one of the most exciting players of the past year. The World Cup was next year, and Tobin could be a large part in England winning the cup. There were plenty of people who would want to sabotage England’s chances, but why would they target Tobin, a seventeen year old who wasn’t even a regular on the team yet?

She was pondering this when a sharp knock on her door sounded through the room. “Merry Christmas, Miss Press,” the squeaky voice of the Press house elf, Pippy, called out from behind the door. “It is time for the Christmas breakfast. Master Press is requests your presence.”

Christen quickly got out of bed and began straightening her hair. “Merry Christmas to you too, Pippy,” she called out hurriedly. “I’ll be down in a minute.”

“Very good, Miss,” the young house elf squeaked, and she heard small footsteps retreating from her door.

Closing her eyes, Christen took a large breath and exited her room, making her way downstairs to the dining room.

The Press Mansion could not be described as anything but grand. Her father had styled it after great Pure-Blood families’ mansions like the Malfoy Manor and the Parkinson Palace, and as such, there was a grand staircase that wound down in the middle of the mansion made of dark oak and the décor was purely a deep emerald, with furnishings of silver. Her mother had insisted on natural light however, and thus the windows were expansive, and the lounge room was filled with light during the day. The dining room however, did not have any windows, and was constantly dark and gloomy to Christen. It was one of her least favourite rooms in the house. When she arrived, the rest of her family was already seated at far end of the long table in silence, and they all looked up as she walked into the room.

“You’re late, Christen,” her father stated calmly.

“I apologise, father,” Christen said quickly, her head bowed as she sat down across from Tyler, who smirked at her. Channing sent her a sympathetic smile from her seat next to her.

“Do not make the same mistake again,” her father said icily. “You disrespect your mother and your sisters by not arriving on time.”

“Enough, Cody,” her mother said, laying her hand on her father’s arm. “It is Christmas, I do not wish to spend it reprimanding our daughters for every little thing. Merry Christmas, Christen.” She sent Christen a warm smile from across the table, and Christen returned it shakily, murmuring a small “Happy Christmas, mother” in return.

“Very well,” her father said stonily, glaring at Christen. “Pippy!”

There was a _pop_ and the house elf appeared next to her father. “Yes, Master?”

“The first course,” her father demanded.

“Right away, Master,” Pippy said and clapped her hands, causing bowls to appear with tomato soup in them.

Christen smiled her thanks at Pippy and waited for her father to begin before she tentatively started her soup. There was silence except for the sound of spoons and polite slurping, and Christen thought for a moment that she had gotten away from punishment.

“So, Christen,” her father intoned from his position at the head of the table. “Are you still friends with that _girl_?”

Christen felt a wave of anger come over her at the way he said the last word with disgust, but quickly squashed it down. “Actually, we’ve had a falling out,” Christen said truthfully.

Her father looked almost pleased. “Excellent,” he said, spooning more of his soup. “That girl was a terrible influence.”

Christen nodded slightly and tried not to grind her teeth.

“How have your grades been?” Cody continued, unrelenting.

“Fine, father,” Christen replied. “I received an O for my major Charms essay last week.”

Her father hummed his approval, and for a moment there was only the soft clanking of spoons against bowls as her family ate the soup. For a moment, Christen thought she was safe and hoped her father would move on to questioning Channing about her studies, but it was not to be. Setting his spoon next to the bowl delicately, Cody clasped his hands in front of him and looked at Christen.

“When, Christen,” he began, his voice deceptively soft. “When were you going to tell us about your involvement in Quidditch?”

Christen felt an ice cold stab of fear run through her body. “I do not understand, father,” she said weakly.

“Do not mistake me for a fool,” Cody said. “Did you really think you could play Quidditch at Hogwarts and have me not hear about it?”

Christen looked around at the rest of the table, but everyone else had suddenly become incredibly interested in their soup. “I-I,” she stumbled, not sure of what to say. “I did not think it would be an issue, father.” She didn’t understand why he was so upset, they had their own Quidditch pitch; it shouldn’t have come as a shock that Christen enjoyed the sport.

“Not an issue?” he said coldly. “Quidditch as profession is for thrill-seeking fools who have no respectful aspirations in life. For the middle-class who have no better options. People who you should have no business associating with. People like your friend. _Mudbloods._ ”

Christen felt a spark of anger overcome her at the word. “Cody!” her mother reprimanded. “Don’t use that word, it’s terribly old fashioned.”

Her father ignored her mother and stared down at Christen. “You will quit the team, Christen,” he said forcefully. “Immediately.”

There was a silence across the table as everyone avoided each other’s gaze.

“Father,” her younger sister Channing spoke up for the first time. “Christen is actually quite good-”

“Stay out of this, Channing! Did you hear me?” her father demanded. “You will no longer play Quidditch at Hogwarts.”

“Cody…” her mother began.

“No!” her father said loudly. “I refuse to let any of my daughters be involved in such a thing. Promise me, Christen. You will quit the team.” He stared at her, his eyes hard, and Christen felt her hands beginning to shake. _Stop it,_ she thought to herself. _Stop shaking, dammit._

She couldn’t quit the team. Quidditch made her feel happy, and she felt at home when she was up in the air with her team. It was a feeling that couldn’t compare to anything else. Besides, even if she would want to quit, there was still that threat that Nott posed if she weren’t to complete her task. She had to continue with the team, if only to figure out what was going on.

She forced her hands underneath her table and clasped them together before looking up at her father. “N-no,” she ground out, trying not to stumble in her words.

Her father’s eyes narrowed. “What did you say?” the words came out as a hiss.

 _We’re both a little messed up, aren’t we?_ She remembered Alex saying.

“No,” Christen said after a pause. “I-I will not quit. Quidditch is the o-only thing that makes me happy, father.”

“No?” her father growled dangerously, standing and towering over her. “Are you refusing to abide by my orders?”

 _Intimidation,_ Christen thought. _Father’s specialty._

Closing her eyes, she steeled herself and stared into his eyes. “Yes,” she said, without a trace of shakiness. _Sometimes I feel like a puppet…_ “I refuse to quit the team.”

Something she couldn’t decipher passed through his eyes, and he glared at her furiously. She’d only seen him this upset at her once before, and for a moment, she feared what he’d do. Her heart was pounding inside her chest, and she could swear she felt it bumping against her ribcage. Her hands felt sweaty underneath the table, and she tried to control her breathing. _Breathe in. Out. In-_

“Cody,” her mother said sharply, before her father could do anything. “Sit down, you look quite foolish. It is Christmas, for goodness’ sake, I do not want a scene at the table.”

Her father paused, but slowly turned away and sat down again. Her mother turned to Christen and her sisters. “Eat your soup,” she said calmly, ignoring the fact that the soup had turned cold a long time ago.

Blinking her eyes quickly, she slowly gripped her spoon in trembling fingers and reached for the cold tomato soup, trying to ignore how the red of the soup had seemed to reflect the look in her father’s eyes.

 

* * *

 

After the incident at breakfast, her father didn’t speak of Quidditch to Christen again after that. Her mother came to her in her room that night and quietly spoke of her disapproval of Christen playing the sport purely due to the dangers of it, but accepted that if she wanted to play it, she would support her.

“Your father is just worried,” she said to Christen as they sat on her bed. “He loves you and cares about your future, and doesn’t want you to be hurt.”

Christen nodded, but a part of her felt as though this wasn’t true. She didn’t think all fathers showed their love this way.

“Get some rest,” her mother said kindly, stroking her hair. “I’ll speak to your father about Quidditch.”

She kissed Christen gently on the cheek and retreated from the room quietly, closing the door behind her.

Christen sat on the bed and shakily let out the breath she’d been holding. Her hands were shaky and sweaty and she closed her eyes, trying to control her breathing which was coming out in short gasps. The walls of her room seemed to be closing in on her and she tried not to think about the anger in her father’s eyes as he stared down at her. _Breathe, Christen. 1. In. 2. Out. 3. In. 4-_

_Tap, tap._

Her eyes blinked open at a sound coming from her window.

_Tap, tap._

Turning towards the sound, she saw two bird-like shadowy figures, perched outside. Approaching the window, she opened the latch and lifted it, allowing two owls, one brown and ruffled and another mottled grey, to come flying in, perching on top of her dresser. Her pet Crup, Morena, looked up lazily at their entrance from her spot on her bed before flopping her head back down again, apparently sensing no danger.

The owls were both carrying packages tied to their legs. She recognised the smaller, dopey looking owl – it was Brooklyn, Kelley’s brown owl that she’d had since she was in first year. The other owl however, was a stranger to her. Walking to her dresser, she pulled out a bag of owl treats she kept for these occasions and handed one to Brooklyn, who greedily snapped up the treat eagerly. She offered another one to the grey owl, who accepted the treat gingerly, ruffling its feathers with an air of importance.

Once they were busy with their treats, she carefully untied the parcels from their legs and brought them to her bed. Morena looked up curiously, and hopped onto the bed to sniff at the parcels. Once she seemingly deemed them safe, she lay down next to Christen, her head resting on the girl’s lap.

“Which should I open first, girl?” Christen asked her, idly scratching her head as she looked at the packages. She reached for Kelley’s package first, which was wrapped in bright blue paper, with a note attached.

_Dear Christen,_

_I’m sorry for what I said before the break. You’re still my best friend, and I shouldn’t have pushed you. I hope we can talk after we get back to Hogwarts._

_Merry Christmas! I hope you like the present!_

_Love,  
Kells_

Smiling unconsciously, Christen set the note down and began to tear off the packaging of the parcel. Inside was a package of Honeydukes chocolates, a self-inking quill, Quidditch goggles and a Crup treat for Morena. She grinned at the chocolates, and put on the goggles, giving the treat to Morena who happily dug in, letting out a soft grunt of approval, her forked tail wagging. She’d of course sent Kelley a package of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans and a set of supplies from Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes for Christmas. Although they weren’t talking, she was glad that they still upheld the tradition of giving each other presents.

Setting the gifts aside, she turned to the other package which was wrapped in non-decrepit brown paper. She opened the package gingerly, not putting much care into unwrapping it as she had with Kelley’s present. A book fell out, and she turned it to see that it was _Quidditch Through the Ages._ Opening the cover, she saw writing on the front page.

_To Christen,_

_I know how much you enjoyed this book when I lent it to you so I got you your own copy. Don’t get too good though, we’ve still got to beat you when we play each other in a week._

_Merry Christmas!_

_Tobin_

Tobin was still awkward around her, but she’d given her this present, so that must’ve meant she wasn’t angry at her, right? An automatic grin spread onto her face as she held the book in her hands, looking over it reverently. First edition, it said on the spine of the book in small gold letters. She winced, thinking of the present she’d sent Tobin, which only consisted of a selection of sweets from Honeydukes and some custom shin guards from Quality Quidditch Supplies. Why couldn’t she have been more thoughtful?

She looked up at the owls who were regarding her inquisitively, blinking their large eyes at her from their perch the top of her dresser. Sighing, she gave them each another treat and they chirped at her happily before taking off and flying into the night.

Shaking her head, she put the book aside and climbed back in to bed, resolving to talk to Tobin when they returned to Hogwarts. A nagging part of her in the back of the head couldn’t help but think of the last part of the note, written in a messy scrawl, the black ink blinking up at her tauntingly.

_We play each other in a week._

Merry Christmas, indeed.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas :)


	7. Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christen makes a choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos and comments, I love them a lot!
> 
> PLEASE BE AWARE: This story contains scenes dealing with anxiety, panic attacks and abuse. Please take caution if this will affect you in any way.
> 
> Enjoy.

Christen Press had never felt as though she had a choice.

‘You always have a choice’ was the famous phrase that Christen Press had heard many times throughout her life. Perhaps it could be a choice to eat toast instead of porridge for breakfast; or a choice to take Morena out for a walk or not.

But no one ever really had a choice. There were always consequences. If she ate toast, she might not have enough bread for lunch later on, or if she took Morena out for a walk, she could break free and terrorise innocent Muggle children.

Okay, so she was being a little dramatic. But Christen Press had never felt like she really had a choice in major decisions in life. They were always made for her, or she was forced into one choice instead of another, despite her wishes.

* * *

_Press Mansion, 6 years ago_

“Cody,” her mother called from the living room. “It has arrived.”

She was holding a small envelope in her hand as she sat across from Christen on the couch. Christen stared outside the window and watched in fascination as a mother bird fed her chicks in the nest on their large ash tree. The mother gave each of her chicks and equal feeding and watched over them with a critical eye, helping them swallow their food. She wondered what it would like to be a bird.

“Christen! Pay attention!”

Snapping her head back, she saw her father looking at her in disapproval and she immediately clasped her hands together to prevent them from shaking.

“Sorry, father,” Christen stuttered.

“You’re always dreaming, girl,” her father scolded, a dark scowl marking his features. “You need to pay attention to the real world, people won’t treat you as nicely as we do.”

“Yes, father,” Christen murmured.

“And speak up! I didn’t father a mouse, did I?”

“No, father.”

Cody Press huffed, and smoothed down the lapels of his robes. “Now, do you know what this is?”

In his hands, he held the envelope that her mother had been holding. She could make out green writing that spelled her name and address. Excitement filled her.

“It is my acceptance letter?”

“Yes,” Cody replied coldly. “Your letter to _Hogwarts_.” He said the last word with distaste.

“Hogwarts?” Christen asked, confused. Catching herself, she looked down at her hands. Father hated stupid questions. “Forgive me, father, I had assumed I was to be going to Beauxbatons.”

Her parents exchanged looks and her father pursed his lips in annoyance. “That was the original plan,” he admitted. “However, your mother and I have decided to enrol you in Hogwarts instead.”

“Why?” Christen let out before she could stop herself.

“Don’t ask needless questions, Christen,” her father snapped.

“Cody,” her mother reprimanded.

Her father sighed and scowled at her. “Your mother and I have decided that we cannot allow you to attend Beauxbatons. It would bring shame to the entire family.”

“But Maria is going there!” Christen protested. Her closest and only friend, Maria Moretti, was going to Beauxbatons in September, and she had been excited to join her there. She couldn’t imagine going to a school full of strangers without her. “Father, please, I do not understand. I have not done anything wrong.”

“You’ve done everything wrong!” her father roared, standing up. “You're shy and weak! You can't conduct yourself properly and you can't even speak French fluently! You don't greet people properly when we have them over for dinner and every time we go to a party you shy away! It is an embarrassment! Beauxbatons is a prestigious school, and I will not have you taint my reputation there.”

“But–”

“My decision is final. You do not have a choice. Now go to your room.”

 

* * *

 

When she had briefly stood up to her father during Christmas, she’d finally felt like she had a choice. A choice to resist her father’s influence. It had felt freeing, but she knew that continuing to play Quidditch was not really her choice. She had to, for the sake of Tobin. She had to figure out why Nott was targeting her, and the only way to do that was to continue to pretend to be her puppet while she investigated her motives. She had no choice; it was to protect Tobin after all.

After the Christmas break, Christen returned to Hogwarts perhaps less well rested than she began it. Ever since her conversation with Nott, she’d constantly toss and turn at night, barely being able to sleep. She’d barely acknowledged Kelley on the train, and sat in a separate compartment, still unable to look the other girl in the eye after their fight, despite her apology. She was still annoyed at her, despite the rational part of her knowing that Kelley was only trying to help her. She’d talk to her later - her mind was too focussed on the task Nott had given her. Why did someone want to injure Tobin Heath of all people? It made no sense.

_Knock, knock._

Christen looked up from her musings to see the very person she was dreading to see. Tobin opened the compartment door and slipped in, smiling sheepishly at the Ravenclaw.

“Hey, Christen,” she began softly.

“Hi, Tobin.”

“Um, how was your Christmas?”

“Good,” Christen lied. “Thank you for your present.”

Tobin’s eyes lit up, looking at her with renewed excitement. “Did you like it?”

“Of course! I’ve read it at least twice,” Christen smiled at the other girl, trying not to fidget with her hands. “I feel guilty because all I got you were a bunch of guards.”

“No, I love those guards!” Tobin exclaimed, shaking her head furiously. “They were really nice; I’ve never had anything like it.”

Christen blushed at Tobin beaming at her, and the sat in the quiet for a moment longer before Tobin cleared her throat awkwardly.

“I, uh, I actually came here to apologise,” she admitted, looking at her feet. “I ignored you for the last few weeks of last semester.”

So she was ignoring her.

“It’s okay, Tobin,” Christen said, gently. “I understand that sometimes we all need our own space. I know I can be… overwhelming.”

“No, it’s not you,” Tobin insisted. “I was just being stupid. Sometimes I get these crazy thoughts, and misinterpret things.”

Christen frowned, wondering what Tobin was misinterpreting. Tobin saw her look and was quick to reassure her. “Don’t worry, I don’t think it anymore, it was just silly, as I said.”

“Okay,” Christen conceded, still hesitant. “How was your Christmas?”

Tobin’s eyes lit up and she began gushing about her Christmas and her sister’s kids; her nephews. Apparently, she was the favourite aunt, though Christen suspected that had something to do with Tobin constantly bribing the kids with sweets from Hogsmeade. Listening to her talk made Christen smile, and then her smile faded as she began to think about the task Nott had given her for the match.

 

* * *

 

Nott’s mission plagued her mind for the rest of the week so much so that she conveniently forgot to talk to Kelley about their fight, and for the first few days of semester, it was as though nothing had changed over the Christmas break. Kelley had tried multiple times to talk to her, but the pettiness in Christen continued to win over her rational side. She managed to corner her in many spots, trying to ask for her forgiveness, but Christen was having none of it.

“Christen, please,” Kelley yelled as Christen shoved past her in the hallway. “This is ridiculous, we’ve never fought this long!”

Christen kept walking, and heard footsteps catching up to her. Annoyed, she quickened her pace.

“Press, stop,” Kelley grabbed her arm.

Christen angrily pulled her arm away, glowering at the other girl. “Don’t touch me!”

“Christen, don’t you think you’re being a bit dramatic?” Kelley tried to reason, smiling a little. “I said I was sorry.”

Of course Christen knew she was being overly dramatic, but some immature and vengeful part of her wanted to prolong this. She knew Kelley didn’t know better, but she was still hurt, especially when it seemed as though Kelley was treating it as a joke.

“If this is your way of apologising, O’Hara, consider it not accepted,” Christen ground out icily, turning her heel.

“Christen, come on!” Kelley called out after her. “How was I supposed to know?”

“By being a good friend!” Christen turned back, furious. “You should’ve known I was different when I came back! You should’ve been there, you should’ve–”

Frustrated with her lack of composure and aware of the stares coming from the other students she shook her head, trying to get rid of the unwanted memories and spun around again, away from Kelley, almost sprinting out of the hallway.

Kelley didn’t follow her this time.

 

* * *

 

She forgot mostly about the encounter with Kelley as the days passed, too focussed on school, Quidditch and of course, her task from Nott.

That was until Alex pulled her out of the Arithmancy classroom one day and practically shoved her towards Kelley, who was standing just outside the door, with her hands tucked into the pocket of her robes. Though she was trying to give off an air of confidence, Christen knew her better than that to be fooled. She was nervous. As she should be. Scoffing, she turned away, only to be met by Alex’s stern face.

“Christen, wait,” Kelley blurted frantically. “Just listen to me please.”

Christen reluctantly turned around, facing her best friend and nodded stiffly at her to continue. Kelley bit her lip, scuffing her shoes and finally looked up at Christen, fiddling with her robes.

“I’m sorry,” Kelley articulated softly, looking genuinely remorseful. “I shouldn’t have said those things, or pushed you. Not everyone is ready for these things, and I shouldn’t have pressured you into it.”

Christen tried to glare at her but failed. Damn Kelley and her stupid puppy eyes. “I’m sorry too,” Christen said, looking down at the ground. “I said things I regret, and I shouldn’t have snapped. You didn’t know all the facts and so you couldn’t have known much better.”

Kelley shook her head. “No, no, I still shouldn’t have pushed you so much. Forgive me?” she asked hopefully.

Christen sighed, but nodded. She’d missed Kelley, and this fight was futile and childish. Kelley grinned gratefully, and pulled her into a hug. “Let’s never fight again, please?”

Christen nodded into her hair, exhaling in relief. The Christmas break was probably one of the worst she’d ever had, and Kelley’s absence was incredibly apparent. “I’ve missed you, Kells.”

“I’ve missed you too, Pressy. I mean, not only your company, but also your smarts. I think I’m failing Arithmancy.”

“Kelley! It’s been two weeks!”

“Numbers have a vengeance against me, Christen. It’s a serious issue.”

 

* * *

 

 

Although Christen had somewhat resolved her fight with Kelley, she still hadn’t told her more about her summer in France – one of the worst things she’d ever experienced. Some part of her knew she had to tell her some time, but she could never find the right time, or rather, the courage. Every time she thought about it, her heart would start pounding and her hands would shake, and she’d have to take several deep breaths to stop the impending anxiety attack. To her credit, Kelley hadn’t prompted her to tell her, but she knew she was curious. They had apologised to each other, and went about everything normally, but something in their friendship wasn’t quite the same. Kelley seemed to treat Christen a little carefully, as though she was made of glass, which just made the situation worse. She had to tell her soon, but the match was on Saturday, in two days. There were more important things to do. Figure out who was targeting Tobin, and stop them.

The next day found Christen in the library, supposedly studying for her Charms test on Monday, but in reality, reading up on the players on the current National Team.

**_National Team Roster_ **

**Keeper:**

Benjamin Williams

Charlie Nelson **(r)**

Hope Solo **(r)**

**Beaters:**

Anthony Jones

Christie Rampone

Percival Brown **(r)**

Julie Foudy **(r)**

David Hanson **(r)**

John Taylor **(r)**

**Chasers:**

Mia Hamm

April Heinrichs **(c)**

Jordan Burbank

Tobin Heath **(r)**

Carli Lloyd **(r)**

James Macintyre **(r)**

Alex Morgan **(r)**

Abby Wambach **(r)**

**Seeker:**

Nathaniel Pembleton

William Bracken **(r)**

Gillian Daly **(r)**

 

**(c) = captain**

**(r) = reserve**

 

Christen was positive that the Seekers and Beaters wouldn’t have much interest in sabotaging a potential new player for the national team. There was no competition for them. So it had to be one of the Chasers, as they had reason to sabotage Tobin, as they were direct competition. That and the Keepers, as they also interacted with the Chasers a lot, they could be acting on someone’s behalf.

She stared down at the names of the Chasers and Keepers. It wouldn’t be the main players; they were already at the top of the competition. Surely there was no need to get rid of new recruits that held no real threat to their position. That left the reserves.

Christen’s head fell into her hands as she pulled at her hair in frustration. The majority of them were still at Hogwarts. Sure there was a large rivalry, but there was an unspoken rule that all Hogwarts Quidditch players respected each other and played fairly (well, outside of the pitch, at least). What if it was just Nott being vindictive? No, Nott would never go to this much effort just to make her life miserable. She had to be working for someone on the team.

That was if this was even an insider on the team. What if it was an outsider? Someone with a vengeance against Tobin specifically, or against the national team could’ve set this up. She wouldn’t put it past the Bulgarians to do something like this, but she doubted Nott would take orders from someone foreign, let alone outside of Hogwarts. It had to be one of the Hogwarts players.

Darting through the names, she immediately picked out the Hogwarts players: Alex Morgan, Carli Lloyd, Abby Wambach, Hope Solo – all Slytherins. Something in her gut told her that Hope wouldn’t have anything to do with this, from what she knew, she was guaranteed the next Keeper position after Williams retired. Plus, Hope and Tobin got on pretty well.

That left the three Slytherin Chasers. It couldn’t be Alex, Tobin and she were friends, and Alex, while fierce on the pitch (and sometimes off), would never do something as underhanded as this. That meant it was either Wambach or Lloyd, that is, if her gut reaction was right and that the other reserves had nothing to do with this. She didn’t know much about either, but from the little information she had, she knew Lloyd was a strictly fair and honourable person and player. Wambach, she didn’t know much about. She was a flashy player that was for sure, and she had a tendency to play to the crowd a little. She had a pretty solid standing in the national reserves team from what Christen remembered, so what would be her reasoning for taking out Tobin?

“Hi!”

Jolted out of her musings, Christen looked up in surprise to find a small girl, probably a first year, looking up at her eagerly from the edge of the table. Her robes were a little shabby, and her red and gold tie was a little askew. Her frizzy hair was tied back into a ponytail and tamed by a bright pink headband. She panted slightly in front of Christen, her tanned skinned flushed as though she’d just run to the library. She probably did.

“Erm, hello?”

“I’m Mallory Pugh!”

A beat passed as Christen stared. “…I’m Christen Press. Can I help you?”

“I’ve been told to give this to you.”

She thrust a note into Christen’s hands, and beamed up at her. “Oh, um, thank you, Mallory.”

“You can call me Mal!”

“…Um, thanks, Mal.”

There was a pause as Mallory grinned up at Christen, who was momentarily confused as to what to do. “Did you need anything else?” Christen asked, trying not to sound rude. Why wasn’t she leaving?

“No, I’m just really happy I got to meet you. You’re one of my favourite players in the school!”

The older girl stared back, a little floored. “You mean Quidditch?” she asked in disbelief.

“Yes!” Mallory exclaimed, eyes bright. “You’re one of the smartest Chasers in the school, what you do with the Quaffle is insane!”

“Oh, wow,” Christen marvelled, still reeling from the fact that she seemed to have a fan. A fan the size of a house-elf it seemed. “That’s really nice of you… Mal, but I’m really not one of the best Chasers in the school. I’ve only started this year.”

“Exactly! And you’re already on par with all the legends like Alex Morgan and Carli Lloyd,” the younger girl gushed as she practically vibrated in her seat, excitedly gesturing with her hands as she spoke. Christen briefly wondered if she’d had five shots of expresso before coming here.

“How do you even– never mind,” Christen said, shaking her head. “Thank you, I really appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome!” Mal chattered happily. “Your style of Chasing is what inspired me to be one!”

“Oh, you’re a Chaser, too?”

“Well,” Mal looked down; the first time Christen had seen her look abashed since she’d bombarded her at the table. “I mean, not yet. There’s the stupid rule of not allowing first years to try out. They should really fix that, I mean Harry Potter was on the team in his first year!”

 _Yes, but he’s Harry Potter_ , Christen struggled not to say it out loud. “I’m sure you’ll get in next year,” she encouraged instead, trying to sound encouraging.

Mal beamed again, her eyes somehow even brighter than before. “Thanks, Christen! I definitely will be; I’ve been working my entire life for this!”

Christen seriously doubted that, wasn’t this kid 11 years old? She nodded anyway as the younger girl hopped off her seat, suddenly finished with the bizarre conversation. “Good luck for the game on Saturday!” she called as she skipped away from the table, ignoring Madam Turpin’s reproachful glare.

For a moment, Christen just sat there, trying to process the past ten minutes before she shook herself out of it and looked down at the piece of parchment that Mal had unceremoniously shoved into her hands. Opening it, she saw a single sentence which filled her with dread. The deep emerald colour of the ink seemed to taunt her as she stared down at the elegant script.

_If you fail, everyone will know._

 

* * *

 

The day of the match against Hufflepuff found Christen nervously picking at her food at the Ravenclaw table as the rest of the team chattered noisily around her. She was normally nervous before a game, but this was obviously different.

This time she was going into the match intending to hurt someone. And not anyone; Tobin Heath, the girl she’d had a crush on for almost her entire Hogwarts career. All to protect her dignity. Not that there was much left of it anyway.

“What’s up, Press?” Kelley poked her with her fork, chewing loudly on her piece of toast. “Still nervous about the game?”

“Yeah,” Christen mumbled, looking down at her mess of a plate. It kind of reminded her about her current situation in life. What kind of psychopath willingly goes along with a plan to injure the person they like?

Her, apparently.

“You sure, Pressy?” Kelley stopped chewing, turning and facing her with concern.

“Yes, I’m sure, Kelley,” Christen muttered, her words clipped.

“Okay,” Kelley paused, looking apprehensive. “Hey, look, I know we’ve been rocky for the past couple of months, but you know you can talk to me about anything, right? I’m always here for you.”

Christen winced and looked away. She wanted to tell Kelley so badly, but that would require telling her about France, and she still couldn’t muster it. Her eyes wandered towards the Slytherin table and she found Nott watching her, eyes unblinking and stony. Swallowing in fear she looked down quickly and nodded her head.

“I know, Kell,” she murmured, trying to smile reassuringly at her friend. From the look on Kelley’s face, it didn’t work. “I’m just nervous, that’s all.”

“Oh, yeah!” Kelley cackled. “We’re versing a certain Hufflepuff today, aren’t we? I would’ve thought you’d be excited.” She winked at Christen, chuckling to herself.

Christen felt like vomiting.

“Y-yeah,” she replied weakly. “I am excited.”

“Well, don’t keel over with those waves of excitement,” Kelley drawled, clearly unimpressed by Christen’s poor attempt at lying.

“Team! Lockers!” Becky ordered, thankfully saving Christen from awkwardly attempting to lie again to Kelley.

The team clambered towards the locker room and crowded round as Becky gave her customary pre-game speech. Christen barely listened and before she knew it they were already flying out and landing on the pitch. She looked over and saw the infamous New Kids all standing next to each other, seemingly relaxed. Tobin saw her looking and smiled tentatively, offering a small wave.

Christen felt so sick she could barely return it, and she only just saw Tobin’s face fall before she keeled over, trying not to throw up.

“Christen, are you okay?” Alyssa Naeher whispered to her from her position just behind her.

“Fine,” Christen stammered back unconvincingly. “It’s just nerves.”

She clutched her wand that was tucked into her arm guards protectively. It was just covered by her sleeves so no one could see that she was carrying a wand. It wasn’t necessary for players to carry their wands on them during a match, as it usually got in the way and the risk of breaking the wand due to a rogue Bludger was high. But Christen had to for this game. She had no choice.

Alyssa looked at her in disbelief, but after Christen didn’t take the opportunity clarify; she shrugged and went back to analysing the other team before the whistle blew and suddenly they were off.

“And welcome back, folks, we are underway her at Hogwarts, Ravenclaw vs Hufflepuff, also known as the nicest rivalry in Hogwarts. And it’s the New Kids with first possession of the Quaffle with Heath – Cheney – Rodriguez – back to Cheney – Heath – Rodriguez, jeez they move quick. And it’s back to Heath and she takes the shot – SAVED by Naeher, ooh that was a lucky one folks, nice save by the fingertips from Naeher, that was a stinging shot and Press has gotten the Quaffle, nice evasion of the Bludger there, she’s practically dancing with the other players, passes it to Nadim – and she swerves, shoots – SAVED – and we’re still tied at zero here, folks. Just a couple of dragon eggs.”

Christen rolled her eyes at the commentary; Salazar always had an odd way with words. Swerving around she raced back to where Lauren Cheney had the Quaffle and was streaking towards the Ravenclaw posts. Cheney spun around Boot and feinted to the left, but Alyssa was expecting it and managed to catch the Quaffle before it swung through the right hoop, launching the Quaffle back to Christen. Swooping her broom around she managed to just catch it before she offloaded it to Nadim as they raced back towards the Hufflepuff hoops.

“Still tied here, excellent attempt by Cheney, and looks as though the Snitch is nowhere to be found, but OOH – what a Bludger by Krieger, straight into the stomach of Nadim, and she drops the Quaffle, she looks quite winded actually –”

“You okay?” Christen shouted, flying past Nadia, who was clutching her stomach in pain.

“Fine, fine!” she yelled back, shaking herself out of it. “Go get the Quaffle!”

She didn’t look fine, but Christen swung around anyway, chasing after the Hufflepuff Chasers. Nadia was tough, and this was Quidditch after all – it was an occupational hazard. She saw the Quaffle in Amy Rodriguez hands and shot forward as the other girl swerved to dramatically avoid a Bludger. Not wasting any time, Christen immediately crashed into the other Chaser, using her momentary shock against her and swiping the Quaffle from her hands.

Victorious, she turned around again, heading towards the hoops before she was knocked violently to her left, the Quaffle loosening in her grasp. Hands roughly pulled it from her, and she turned, furious to find light brown eyes twinkling at her mischievously.

“Nice moves, Press!” Tobin said cheerfully, white teeth flashing at her as she sped away. “Thanks for the present!”

“And it’s Tobin Heath with that wonderful steal, and oh she’s duked the Bludger and IT’S TOBIN HEATH WITH THE FIRST POINTS, HUFFLEPUFF 10, RAVENCLAW 0.”

Christen swore under her breath, cursing her carelessness. Annoyed, she turned to where the Quaffle was being taken down the pitch by Boot, and sped after it.

The match continued on in a similar fashion, with Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw being relatively equal in the Chasing department, but with Hufflepuff managing to pull slightly ahead until the score was Hufflepuff 130 – Ravenclaw 110.

Trying not to get frustrated with the Seekers' lack of involvement, Christen flew past the stands, and suddenly caught Nott’s eye. The other girl stared back at her, expressionless except for the slight upwards turn in the corner of her mouth.

 _If you fail, everyone will know._ The note from the other day was seared into her brain. Nott was serious; she’d never backed down from a threat before. Christen had been so preoccupied with winning the game that she’d almost forgotten what she had to do. _It was only a small injury_ , she tried to convince herself, _only the wrist_. Bracing herself, she returned her attention to the game.

She had no choice.

Lifting her head, she saw Tobin in possession of the Quaffle, flying towards Alyssa, confidently swerving the other Chasers. A quick glance to her left saw Kelley whipping her arm back and hitting the Bludger towards Tobin’s trajectory with a loud _SMACK!_

This was it. She saw the Bludger heading towards Tobin, and knew that she would be able to dodge it. Glancing at the stands, she saw Nott staring back at her, her steel gaze unwavering. _Do it,_ she mouthed, her eyes cold.

Closing her eyes briefly, Christen steeled herself. Tobin was her friend, and maybe could’ve been something more, but not after this. But no one could know about Arielle. Opening her eyes again, she bent down on her broom and began speeding towards Tobin and the Bludger. Sliding her wand into her hand, just enough for it to poke out of her sleeve, she aimed at the Bludger. _I’m going to count to three,_ the voice of her old tutor, Madame Abily, said softly in her head. _It will be okay, ma chérie._

_1\. Breathe in. Out._

She wondered what the real Madame Abily would think of her in this moment.

_2\. Breathe in. Out._

What would Kelley say if she knew she was doing this right now?

_3\. Breathe in-_

_You don't have a choice,_  her father said in her head.

_I’m sorry, Tobin._

_“Oppugno ad carpi!”_ Christen whispered, and the Bludger shot towards Tobin with alarming speed. Christen’s eyes widened as Tobin turned at the last minute in an attempt to dodge it. _No,_ she thought desperately, speeding up towards the other girl, _don’t turn_ , but it was too late, the momentum of the Bludger was too great.

_CRACK!_

The Bludger slammed into Tobin’s back with resounding force and the sound seemed to resonate through the entire stadium. There was a moment of silence as everyone looked on in shock. And then Tobin was falling, the Quaffle slipping from her hands, and Christen didn’t even think as she was hurtling towards her, she barely heard the shrill sound of the whistle being blown because her broom was streaking towards Tobin, straining to reach her before she hit the ground, the wind was biting at her face, but Tobin’s eyes were closed and–

_“ARRESTO MOMENTUM!”_

Professor Harvey’s voice barely registered with Christen, she was too focussed on Tobin, whose fall was suddenly halted as she floated slowly to the ground. Christen barely noticed that she was already on the ground next to her, her hands on her face, was she breathing? She was so still, unmoving like a statue. How could she do this to her? This was all her fault, the spell wasn’t supposed to knock her out, it was supposed to hit her wrist, not her back–

“Christen, come on, they need to take her to the hospital wing!” Hands were grabbing at her and pulling her back and away, why? She needed to see if Tobin was alright, this was her fault–

“Christen!” The hands were on the side of her face now and she blinked through tears to find a blurry Kelley looking at her, her light eyes alight with concern. “Hey! Hey, I’m here.”

“It’s my fault, Kelley,” Christen sobbed, her hands shaking. “It’s my fault.”

“What are you talking about?” Kelley implored worriedly. “Christen, you can’t have stopped that Bludger, it was too powerful.”

“It’s my fault,” Christen repeated over and over again, beginning to rock in the other girl’s arms. “All my fault. Her wrist, not the back. Her wrist, all my fault...”

Kelley looked troubled at Christen’s mantra, but only held her friend closer. Comfort was what she needed. She was just in shock. “It’s going to be okay, Christen. She’s going to be fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is she though? Is any of us okay after that trade?
> 
> Oh, hello. Yes, I'm still here.
> 
> If you're thinking, "Hey, the quality in this is somehow getting progressively worse," you'd be right, because I have taken to writing these at 2 a.m. in the morning and have no idea what I'm doing. So sorry.


	8. Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobin's in the Hospital Wing. Christen visits. Kelley and Christen have a chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who left a kudos or commented on the last chapter!
> 
> PLEASE BE AWARE: This story contains scenes dealing with anxiety, panic attacks and abuse. This chapter in particular deals with panic attacks and severe nausea.  
> Please take caution if this will affect you in any way. 
> 
> Enjoy.

It was no secret that Christen made a lot of mistakes. Most people did, but most people didn’t remember every single mistake they’d made. It was in her nature to hold on to small parts of the past where she had made mistakes, and her anxiety hardly ever let her forget about them. No matter how small the mistake was that little voice in her head would remind her at the worst moments – that time she’d missed that important shot against Gryffindor, when she answered wrong in Potions, when she’d referred to Sir Parkinson by ‘Mister’ instead of his proper title, the list went on. Every time she’d felt confident there was that niggling voice of doubt that sounded a lot like her father, reminding her of her past mistakes.

 _Everyone has made mistakes,”_ her mother would say. “ _Some people’s mistakes are bigger than yours Christen, stop worrying.”_

 _Stop worrying._ That was a phrase Christen had heard too many times in her life. _Stop worrying_ , _everything will be fine. You’re being dramatic, Christen._

Most of the time, her rational side would agree. She was being dramatic. This time however, she was positive that she was not. This may have been the worst mistake she’d ever made.

Christen was pacing outside the Hospital Wing restlessly, wringing her hands in front of her.

“Christen, stop,” Kelley tried to placate the other girl. “She’ll be okay.”

“It’s been hours, Kell!” Christen cried, looking a bit wild. “They haven’t even said anything to us.”

“Madame Patil is the best in the business,” Kelley assured her. “She’d never let anything happen to Tobin.”

“But–”

“No buts,” Kelley interrupted her firmly. “Tobin’s going to be fine.”

At that moment, the doors of the Hospital Wing opened, and Madam Patil and Headmaster McGonagall stepped out.

“Miss Press and Miss O’Hara,” Professor McGonagall looked down at the two Ravenclaws. “What are you doing outside the Hospital Wing this late? It is almost dinner time.”

“Well, we were – I mean,” Christen fumbled, unsure of what to say.

“We just wanted to know if Tobin was okay,” Kelley said, saving Christen smoothly. “Please, Professor, can you tell us how she is?”

Professor McGongall shared a look with Madame Patil that Christen couldn’t interpret. Her hands began to shake and she quickly tucked them behind her back.

Madame Patil looked between the two girls, her expression serious. “Miss Heath has suffered a lower back injury to her spine. The Bludger cracked and dislodged the lower discs.”

Christen took in a sharp breath. “Will she recover?”

Madame Patil turned her gaze to Christen. “Broken bones in the Wizarding Community are not as dire as they are in the Muggle world, Miss Press, you know this. Normally, even though they are in the spine, I would be able to mend them easily. However, this case was a little different.”

“What? What is it?” Christen asked desperately. She felt a little dizzy, and chalked it up to the adrenaline rush from the game.

She looked to Professor McGonagall for confirmation, and the Headmaster nodded.

“I was able to mend and set the spine properly, Miss Press, however Miss Heath has suffered serious nerve damage as a result of the Bludger. It will take a while for her to recover and regain strength in her lower body again.”

Christen reeled back in shock. A small part of her brain noted that something Miss Patil had said sounded off but suddenly, her surroundings started to flicker out of focus. The world seemed to spin a little around her, and in her momentary lapse of awareness, Kelley interrupted Madame Patil’s explanation.

“She will recover, though, won’t she?”

“Yes, Miss O’Hara, she will.”

“And what about Quidditch?” Kelley asked. “She can still play, right?”

Madame Patil looked unsure. “The damage is quite severe, Miss O’Hara. I cannot say. She might not be able to play again as there is another–”

The rest of her words seemed to fade away as Christen suddenly felt extremely sick. In a desperate moment of clarity, she grabbed onto Kelley’s arm, squeezing twice. Kelley immediately stopped paying attention to Patil and turned to Christen in alarm before tugging her quickly inside the Hospital Wing.

“Miss O’Hara, where do you think you’re going?” Professor McGonagall demanded, following after the two Quidditch players.

“She’s about to be sick, Professor!” Kelley called back, dragging her to a bathroom within the Wing. The room spun around her and Christen felt severely off balanced. Her thoughts were reeling around in her head, and she couldn’t keep up with them. “Come on, Christen, you’re okay, we’re almost there.”

After what seemed like an age, she found herself on the floor of the bathroom with Kelley next to her, stroking her back as she emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet.

“I-I’m sorry,” Christen mumbled weakly in between throwing up.

“It’s okay, Press,” Kelley said reassuringly. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Guilt washed over her as she sat back, staring at the ceiling of the wing. This hadn’t happened in a while, and every time she hated how she had to burden Kelley with it each time. She couldn’t count how many times this had happened before at school, and every time, Kelley had been there to help her. She remembered the first time it had happened in first year, only a few weeks after they had become friends.

 

* * *

 

 

Hogwarts was the best place eleven-year old Christen had ever been in. Far better than being at home where her parents would stare at her with disappointment or her older sister would sneer at her for all her mistakes. Here, while people still sneered at her, it was more for just being a first year then for anything she had done. _Yet_ , a little voice in her head would say.

At least here she had Kelley. Kelley was maybe the best person she’d ever met and become friends with, though to be fair, she’d never had friends before, so she didn’t have much of a comparison. Since she’d been friends with Kelley, everyone seemed to treat her better too, but this was probably because of Kelley’s dynamic personality.

“PRESS!”

Christen whipped her head around just in time to see a flying mass of pale skin and freckles come towards her before it crashed in to her. Christen barely had time to brace herself before the impact forced her to fall onto the ground, letting out a grunt. Regaining her senses, she saw a grinning Kelley O’Hara on top of her and groaned.

“Kelley. Why?”

“Hello to you too, Press!” Kelley announced, still on top of her. “I’ve missed you!”

“We saw each other this morning though,” Christen replied, confused.

Rolling her eyes, Kelley rolled off the other girl and sprang up with an enviable amount of energy. Christen got up more slowly, and dusted the grass off her robes.

“I know, but I haven’t seen you in two hours since then, and that’s a long time for an eleven year old.”

“Did you have to jump on top of me though? It’s kind of scary,” Christen mumbled, not looking at the other girl.

Kelley turned her attention fully onto her, looking concerned. “Are you okay? I didn’t mean any harm. Sometimes I get a bit too excited; Mum says I’m like a puppy.”

Christen looked up at the other girl who looked uncharacteristically upset. “I’m fine,” she reassured the other girl. “I don’t really like surprises though, so maybe give me a little more warning next time?”

She felt guilty for offending the other girl. _Stop demanding things Christen, she’s the only friend you have, you’re going to scare her away._ “You don’t have to,” she said quickly, trying to take back what she said. “I’m just a bit jumpy, I’ll get used to it.”

“Of course, Press, I won’t do it again.” They hadn’t known each other for long, and although Kelley liked to goof off all the time, Christen knew she paid attention to what was important.

“I’ll give you more warning,” Kelley grinned.

Christen mentally sighed, but conceded that that was the best she was going to get. She found that she wasn’t really annoyed anyway, and gave the other first year a small smile.

“So, are you excited for flying lessons?”

“Um, well, I’m not sure,” Christen replied timidly. “I’ve never flown before.”

“What?” Kelley shrieked, shocked. “But you’re a Pure-Blood, aren’t you?”

Christen winced. She disliked being labelled as such, even though she knew it was true. The word “Pure-Blood” didn’t have good connotations to it after the war, and for good reason, but she didn’t like being associated with that group. “Yes, but Father always said it was too dangerous.”

“Dangerous?” Kelley said, indignant. “But it’s flying! I’ve dreamed of flying since I was a kid, and that’s saying a lot because I’m Muggle-Born.”

“My father can be quite strict sometimes,” Christen said softly, looking away. “I’m sure it’ll be fine, though.”

“Damn straight it will. It’s flying!”

 

* * *

 

 

“Now, put your hands over your broom and say ‘Up!’”

“Up!”

“UP!”

“Up?”

A chorus of pre-teen voices littered the air with varying amounts of force, and while Madame Scott’s expression didn’t waver from its normal neutral, stern position, Christen could’ve sworn it got more forced. She turned back to her broom before the teacher caught her looking.

“Up,” she said, softly. The broom remained on the ground, still.

“With meaning, class!” Madame Scott bellowed, before quickly preventing an eager Ravenclaw from hitting his housemate in the face with his arm as he yelled the command.

“Up!” Looking over, Christen saw Kelley had successfully brought her broom up to her hand, and was smirking proudly at a pretty Slytherin girl opposite her, who was struggling with hers. The other girl glared back, and Kelley’s smirk grew.

“Up!” Christen said again. The broom twitched, but otherwise made no move to respond. Closing her eyes, Christen tried to clear her mind. “ _A clear mind and a clear meaning will let the broom know who is in charge,”_ Madame Scott had said.

_Stop worrying, Christen._

Opening her eyes, she glared at the broom with renewed determination. “UP!” With surprising force, the broom suddenly jumped into her hands. Shocked, she turned to Kelley, who was beaming at her.

“Alright, Press! Knew you could do it!”

Christen grinned back, feeling a warmth rise in her chest as she looked at the scraggly old broom in her hands.

“No, Flint!” Madame Scott reprimanded the Slytherin boy who was glaring at his own broom. “With meaning, but not with anger! Like Miss Press, over there.”

She gestured over to Christen who was holding her broom in her grip. Flint sent her a dark look and she tried not to flinch. Addison Flint was big and brute-like, even for an eleven-year old, and like his father, had enjoyed throwing his weight around amongst his peers. She had known him for a while having been attending the same Pure-Blood events for years, and needless to say, they did not get on well.

After everyone had gathered their brooms, Madame Scott instructed each person to mount the broom and wait for her command to begin floating.

“Now, only hover a few feet off the ground, class, and then return to the ground on my whistle.”

Gulping, Christen gripped her broom tighter with clammy hands.

“On my whistle, one, two, three…” Madame Scott blew sharply on the whistle, and Christen pushed off with her feet and slowly rose above the ground.

The breeze ruffled through her hair, and she looked down to see the ground beneath her and her legs dangling in the air. Next to her, Kelley whooped in excitement and she felt her mouth form a smile.

“This is brilliant!” Kelley yelled from beside her. They were only a few feet off the ground, but Christen had to agree. This was quite brilliant.

After class, Kelley and Christen were walking back to the Great Hall when someone bumped roughly into Christen, knocking her into Kelley.

Stumbling, and holding onto Kelley for balance, she looked up to see Flint sneering down at her.

“Think you’re so brilliant, don’t you Press?” he growled at her, shoving her again. “Teachers seem to love you here. Well, wait till they hear how pathetic you really are.”

“Oi!” Kelley shouted, marching up to the other student. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Stay out of this, Mudblood,” Flint growled. “This is Pure-Blood business.”

Christen blanched at the slur, and looked quickly to Kelley who looked angry, but also confused. “She’s my friend, of course it’s my business!”

“Ooh,” Flint smirked, looking at Kelley. “You may have gotten yourself a little bodyguard, Press, but not the right type it seems. Your father wouldn’t be happy about this, I think.”

Christen went white at the mention of her father and took a step back, as she felt her hands begin to tremble. Seeing this, Flint grinned. “Still a little wimp, aren’t you, Press? I wonder, does your little friend know about your father’s… beliefs? You wouldn’t want to bring shame upon your family like that, would you? I’m sure your father wouldn’t like it.”

Christen felt her heart begin to accelerate and her hands started feeling clammy again. Nervously wiping them on her robes, she glanced away only to find the room had begun spinning as her breath came out in shorter bursts. Distantly, she could hear Kelley yelling at the Flint, but suddenly she couldn’t breathe and her stomach felt like it was crawling up her throat and she sprinted off, trying to find the nearest bathroom.

Luckily, the girl’s bathroom was only around the corner, and Christen bolted inside the nearest cubicle, slamming the door closed before heaving over the toilet bowl. After what felt like hours, but in reality was probably only a few seconds, she heard the door of the bathroom open with a bang.

“Christen?” Kelley’s voice rang out uncertainly, echoing off the bathroom walls.

Sucking in a deep breath, Christen tried to not make a sound. She didn’t want Kelley to see her like this, it was too embarrassing. Quick as she tried though, she felt another wave of nausea overcome her and she dry heaved over the toilet again.

Footsteps quickly ran over towards her, and she heard Kelley outside her door. “What was that charm again?” she heard her mutter to herself. “Aloha-something– oh screw this.”

Vaguely, she noticed Kelley crawling under the door and soon she was next to her. “Hey, you’re okay,” she said soothingly, and Christen tried not to sob at the kindness of her voice.

“S-sorry,” she got out, between gasping breaths. “I just… I just got panicked.”

“It’s okay,” Kelley said, and her hand began to rub her back, and Christen tried to focus on the sensation, trying to force down her nausea. “Just take deep breaths.”

Christen closed her eyes and tried to following the slow movement of Kelley’s hand on her back, following the motion with her breath.

Slowly, the world came back into focus and she found herself concentrating on a mark on the cubicle wall. She sighed, and wiped her mouth, feeling embarrassed. Of course, this would happen to her. _You can’t even keep a friend for a few months, brilliant job, Christen,_ the little voice in her head said snidely.

“Hey,” Kelley said unsurely. “Are you feeling better?”

Clearing her throat, Christen straightened and moved away from the other girl’s embrace. “Yeah,” she said stiffly. “Don’t worry about it.”

Kelley gave her a disbelieving look. “Christen, you just vomited, and I know it’s not from food poisoning, the elves would rather spontaneously combust than allow that to happen. What happened?”

Shifting her eyes away from Kelley’s searching gaze, Christen mumbled out, “Nothing. This just happens sometimes. It’s not a big deal, okay? Stop worrying.”

“No.”

Christen looked up. “What?”

“No,” Kelley said resolutely. “You’re my friend, and friends help each other. That’s what my dad said to me anyway. Tell me what happened.”

Christen gaped at her for a moment in disbelief. Floundering for a moment, she found her voice, “I don’t know. I just got panicked and everything started spinning and–”

She stopped, looking at her hands.

“Do you know why?”

Christen paused, unsure whether to say.

“My father said it’s because I’m weak.”

“What?” The word came out stiffly, like Kelley was struggling to let it out. There was an odd quality to her voice that Christen couldn’t decipher.

“It’s true,” she continued. “I’m always nervous and I can’t go about my day without planning it–”

“Christen, you’re not weak. That’s a bunch of mouse dung! Just because you plan out your day, and you sometimes get nervous in front of people doesn’t mean you’re weak! You’re the smartest person I’ve ever met, and I’ve met me.”

Christen let out a wet chuckle and wiped her face. “You really need to tone down that ego of yours, O’Hara.”

“And we’ve got to work on yours.”

Christen gave her a wry smile. “Good luck.”

“Don’t worry, Press, we’ll get that confidence into you. Now, how often does this happen?”

“Often enough.”

“Okay then!” Kelley exclaimed, clapping her hands. “Time to do some research then.”

“What?”

“Well, if it happens this much, we’re going to have to research this. I think I know something about this; my dad’s a psychologist so I know some stuff. Oh! We should have a signal! Like in the movies?”

There were so many things in that sentence that Christen didn’t understand. She decided to go with the most confusing. “A signal?”

“Yeah! What about when you feel something like this happening, you clap your hands three times or squeeze my arm?”

“Um, okay? Like a movie?”

“Yeah, you know, those spy movies from a bajillion years ago, you know with the hand signals?”

“What’s a movie?”

“What’s a mo- okay, Press, I have so much to teach you.”

True to her word, Kelley researched thoroughly what was happening to Christen, but unfortunately, the Wizarding World was not too well versed in mental health issues. It was only after Owling her father, the psychologist (which Kelley explained to be “like a Healer, but for your mind!”), that they found out that Christen may have anxiety. From then on, Kelley read through all the Muggle books she could find so she could support her new found friend. She scoured through all the literature she could find, almost working herself into a frenzy.

Christen, on the other hand, had never felt more validated and relaxed in her entire life.

 

* * *

 

 

“Miss Press and Miss O’Hara!” Professor McGonagall called out, as she rapped on the door of the lavatory smartly. “Are you alright?”

“Fine!” Kelley yelled out quickly. She looked to Christen for confirmation and when the other girl nodded, she continued, “We’ll be out in a few minutes.”

Turning to Christen, she got up and held out her hand. “Come on, Christen, we’d better get out there before McGonagall has a heart attack.”

Smiling wryly, Christen took her hand and stood up, following her out the door and washing her hands.

“Hey,” Kelley stopped her before she could go out. She turned back and looked at her questioningly. “We’re going to talk about this after, right? You’re going to tell me what’s wrong?”

“Yeah, Kel, of course I will,” Christen said reassuringly, trying not to give away her lie.

When they walked outside, both Madame Patil and Professor McGonagall looked at her with concern. “Are you quite alright, Miss Press?” McGonagall asked, her brows furrowed.

“Yes, Professor, I just think I haven’t had enough to eat, that’s all.”

McGonagall looked as though she didn’t quite believe her, but didn’t push the matter for which Christen was grateful. With a jolt, she realised they were in the Hospital Wing, which meant Tobin was here.

“Professor? Can we see Tobin?” she asked, looking towards the Headmaster.

McGonagall’s face melded into a mix of concern and pity. “Miss Press, I’m afraid there’s another part of Miss Heath’s injury that we were unable to tell you before.”

_Before you went and vomited all over the bathroom floor, you mean._

“What is it?” Kelley demanded, and McGonagall sent her a disapproving look. “...Ma’am?”

“The Bludger caused severe damage as you know,” Madame Patil began. “The impact indirectly damaged the brain stem, however.”

Christen felt a familiar sense of dread overcoming her.

“Miss Heath has entered into a coma.”

 

* * *

 

The soft light of dusk peeked through tall windows as Christen sat; staring at Tobin’s sleeping face in the Hospital Wing. It had been three days since Tobin had been hit, and Christen had been by her side as much as she could’ve. She wasn’t sure how long she’d been there that day, but Tobin hadn’t woken yet, so she’d stayed with her.

“Christen.”

Christen looked up and turned to see Kelley standing next to her, looking concerned.

“You’ve been in here for hours, Christen.”

Christen turned back to Tobin, her eyes strangely blank.

“Have you eaten?”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Come on; let’s go get something to eat. You’ve hardly moved from this spot.”

Vaguely, Christen noticed that her muscles were sore from sitting in one place for too long, her eyes were drooping and her hair was frizzier than she’d ever let it be before but she ignored this. She needed to be there when Tobin woke up. Tobin was still sleeping, her face peaceful and relaxed. Christen squeezed her hand and remembered her expression before getting hit. She’d looked so lost and her expression didn’t even have the change before she was hit and then she was falling. She’s looked so lifeless on the way down… She shook her head, trying to clear her mind. “I have to wait. I need to know if she’s going to be okay.”

“You’ve hardly eaten anything for the past few days. You have to look after yourself, too.”

Christen shook her head. “I’m fine.”

Kelley gave her an unimpressed look, scanning her from head to toe. “You look like you’ve had an encounter with Peeves.”

Christen gave her a weak glare. “I need to be here when she wakes up, Kel.” _I need to explain._

Kelley sighed and put her hand on the other girl’s shoulder. “Madame Patil said she needs to rest before she can wake up. It won’t be until tomorrow at least. If you want to be awake when she is, you should rest too.”

“I have-”

“I will drag you out of here if I have to, Press. Believe it.”

“But–”

“For Merlin’s sake, just listen to her Press.” A new voice emerged and both Kelley and Christen whipped their heads around to find the source. Alex Morgan stood at the entrance to the Hospital Wing, arms crossed and a scowl on her face. She approached them slowly, looking slightly out of place. Since when was she there? Christen must’ve been more out of it then she’d thought. Maybe she did need to eat. “O’Hara is relentless.”

Kelley turned back to Christen, grinning. “See? Even Morgan thinks you need food and sleep. You look terrible.”

“Thanks, Kelley,” Christen said, deadpan.

“No problem! I thought you were going to continue patrolling, Morgan. I didn’t know you cared about Press so much,” Kelley said, with a massive grin.

“I don’t really care, Press. I just don’t want you to fall asleep in Charms,” Alex said, gruffly, looking away from them both, but Christen caught the concern in her voice. “And Kelley was so worried about you that I knew she’d be useless in Potions.”

“She totally cares,” Kelley stage whispered. The corner of Christen’s mouth twitched.   

“Come on, just go with her Press,” Alex said, rolling her eyes. “She’ll be unbearable if you don’t.” She turned around and started heading out the Hospital Wing, mumbling something about insufferable Ravenclaws.

Sighing, Christen relented. “Okay. I’m not very hungry though.”

With one last look at Tobin’s sleeping face, Christen followed Kelley and Alex out the door.

 

* * *

 

“Okay, shower and clean robes, then food!” Kelley declared, clapping her hands together.

“I’ll let you two go,” Alex said, stepping away from them. “Look after yourself, Christen.”

 _That’s what I was trying to do,_ Christen thought, looking away and feeling worse than before.

Alex gave Christen a concerned look, and moved to rest her hand on her shoulder. “It wasn’t your fault.”

Christen breathed in sharply. “No, it was my fault,” she said shakily. “I should’ve warned her earlier.”

Alex shook her head, looking strangely determined. “No, you couldn’t have. There was nothing you could do, the Bludger was too fast.”

Christen nodded, looking away and blinking quickly. Suddenly, she felt calmer than before, feeling oddly comforted by Alex’s conviction, even though she knew she was wrong. “Thanks, Alex.”

“Do you really have to go?” Kelley asked.

Nodding, Alex turned to Kelley. “I have to continue patrolling, O’Hara.”

“Aw, really?” Kelley asked, pouting her lips.

“Yes, O’Hara,” Alex said patiently. “Some of us have responsibilities.”

“And she’s back,” Kelley said. “I thought you were getting a bit soft there, felt like we were in a romantic comedy all of the sudden.”

Huffing, Alex directed a glare at Kelley before turning around and stalking off.

“We still on for tomorrow?” Kelley yelled at her retreating back, receiving a middle finger in return. “That’s a yes.”

“That was rude, Kel,” Christen admonished softly. “Alex was being really nice.”

“She’s fine,” Kelley said. “That’s our way of flirting, she’s really into it.”

Christen raised her eyebrow, but didn’t comment. Sometimes Kelley was more oblivious than her.

 

* * *

 

After Christen showered, Kelley ushered her towards the kitchens, insisting she eat at least some toast before she went to bed. Christen’s insistence that she really wasn’t that hungry was outright ignored, and soon she found herself being practically shoved into the Hogwarts kitchens. Stumbling, she gathered her balance and looked up at her surroundings.

A large number of stunned tennis ball-sized eyes suddenly turned towards her. “Um, hello.”

“Miss Press!” A wrinkled old elf standing next to one of the many ovens exclaimed in excitement.

“Miss Press!” The other elves exclaimed, coming out of their shock. “Miss Press! Miss Press!” They all started clamouring around her excitedly, asking her how her studies were going, if she’d managed to find that special house elf ear cleaning solution (that question was from Gorpy, a particularly grubby house elf that had an unfortunate ear condition) and most importantly, if she’d been eating.

“Miss Press looks very thin,” Nilley, an older female elf said reproachfully. “Why has Miss not been to see us?”

“She’s become a bit of a stuck-up, unfortunately,” Kelley said, emerging from the door. “Ever since she became a _Prefect._ ”

The house elves whipped their large eyes to the newcomer with uncanny synchronicity. “Miss O’Hara!” they all exclaimed, clamouring around her legs in excitement. “Miss O’Hara, Miss O’Hara!”

“Hey, guys,” Kelley said gleefully. “I hope you haven’t missed me too much.”

“Noddy always misses Miss O’Hara!” one particularly knobbly-looking house elf piped up from the back.

“I’ve missed you too, Noddy,” Kelley replied dutifully and Christen watched the little house elf’s chest swell up with pleasure. Rolling her eyes, she sat down and immediately the house elves started to produce food out of seemingly nowhere.

“Miss Press must eat!” Nilley declared, shoving a large pile of lamb and potatoes towards her. “Miss must tell us about everything, Miss has been gone too long!”

Christen found herself hungrier than she’d anticipated and after shovelling down a few mouthfuls of food she caught the elves up on her life.

After they’d caught up with the house elves and discovered that Kooby’s favourite blanket wasn’t actually stolen by Nabby, but actually taken by Peeves for a prank, that Cordey was actually learning how to play the ukulele not the mandolin and that Noddy almost had enough Sickles to buy a pair of socks, Kelley and Christen settled into their food, provided by the elves. The elves milled around the kitchen, and left the two alone to talk.

“Christen,” Kelley began, looking nervous and determined at the same time.

Reluctantly, Christen turned her head away from watching Lopey stumble and struggle to lift a pan onto the stove and focussed on Kelley.

“We need to talk about what happened.”

“Do we?” Christen grumbled, shoving her fork around her food. “You know this happens to me, I’ve been having attacks ever since I was a kid, Kel.”

“I know that,” Kelley said, sounding almost annoyed. “But this was different, Christen. There’s something going on with you, something that you’re not telling me, and I don’t know why. We always tell each other everything.”

“I know,” Christen said hesitantly.

“So, why aren’t you saying anything now? This isn’t just about Saturday, Christen, you’ve been different ever since the summer, and I know something happened.”

Christen winced and avoided her gaze.

“I gave you the space you asked for, because I thought it would help, but nothing’s changing. We’re best friends, aren’t we?”

“Of course,” Christen said immediately.

“So, why won’t you tell me what’s going on? I want to help you,” Kelley said almost desperately, grabbing Christen’s hands, forcing her to look at her. “Keeping this bottled up inside you isn’t healthy, you know that. If not me, you have to talk to someone.”

Letting go of her hands, Christen rubbed at her face, feeling suddenly bone tired. Emotions swirled around in her head and she looked around at her surroundings for any sort of support. The house elves had conveniently disappeared sometime during their talk. Great lot of help they were.

Sighing, she looked back at her best friend. She wondered how long that title would last after she told her. She’d never forgive her for this, but it seemed like Kelley wasn’t giving her a choice in telling her about it or not. She just hoped that she wouldn’t tell Tobin about her mistake.

“Okay, Kelley, I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you about last summer in France.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. There's been a lot happening in the last few months.
> 
> I have a feeling my characterisation has just gone down the drain but oh well. See you next chapter. Which may be out soon. Or maybe it will be out next year. 
> 
> I'm so very reliable, just like the NWSL and job security.


End file.
